Lifestyles of the poor and nameless

I was pretty annoyed by Bennifer and Bennifer part 2. I was slightly enamored by Jessnicka, but by the time Brangelina, Paris squared and TomKat stormed the media, I was too through.

I haven't been watching TV for weeks, and I barely listen to the radio either...

...which explains how I missed the Hot 97 "breaking news" story that a tape had surfaced which shows rapper/actress Eve involved in sexual acts. A friend of mine bombarded me with this news once I signed on to AIM yesterday. He hastily sent me the clip, remarking "can you believe this?! Eve is out there! What do you think?"

I checked out the clip. Sure enough, there was Eve, chocha spread for all the world to see, getting "done" by a toy that her then- boyfriend, producer Stevie J was holding. The date stamp on the clip read 1999.

I yawned. "Why is this news?" I asked him. "Because it's EVE, yo. That's embarassing!" I still couldn't see the big deal. It's not like she was doing anything deviant or illegal; it wasn't even a one-night stand, to make it a little interesting. She has openly admitted having a relationship with Stevie J....a relationship that left her emotionally bankrupt for a while, according to her accounts...yet here is the media and gossip-hungry public getting all bent out of shape because *gasp* Eve had sex.

All over the world, people are getting it on. Some of them are videotaping themselves. You rarely hear about it. Eve does it, and then it's news. We are a celeb-obsessed society and we need to get over it.I can just imagine tomorrow's headline:

"Usher wiped his ass"

*sigh*

Remember that song by Salt-'N-Pepa back in the day? So "over the top" at the time, but so benign given the stuff on the radio today.

I'm reminded of this song because I watched the movie Kinsey starring Liam Neeson last night. It is the true story of the original "Sex doctor", Dr. Kinsey, in the late 1950s.

It's amazing to see how much society has evolved (or devolved depending on your stance) in such a short time. In the movie, they were actually teaching college-aged males that abstinence was "the way". Of course, after hearing the stories of others and enduring his own miserable attempts at sex, Dr. Kinsey became convinced that the world had to know the truth about sex. We may think that the sexual revolution occurred sometime around Woodstock, but if there's any credibility to this movie, an old man named Kinsey was actually the start of it all.

One particular scene stood out out in my mind: A married couple went to Dr. Kinsey for advice about their sex life. The woman was completely convinced that she must be "frigid" because she just couldn't get into it. Dr. Kinsey asked her husband: "do you ever use your fingers to stimulate your wife?" to which the husband said something like "no. Why would I do that? We're married, you know? I can just get right to it." I think I snorted at that point.

A little later in the conversation, Dr. Kinsey asked if the husband performed oral sex on his wife. He looked at his wife, then at Dr. K. and said in a hushed tone: "we want to have kids some day. We heard that can mess things up if you're trying to have kids."

It's an interesting movie. That's all I'll say about that.

...nor am I a penguin. So would somebody PLEASE tell me why it has to be so cold at work? They're taking this "keep cool" ideology to a whole new (and unnecessary) level.

Pardon me, I need to remove the icicles from my cubicle.

I would like to dedicate today's post to all my sisters (and brothers) in the workout struggle. Even now, as you are reading and stuffing your faces with some guilty pleasure, seek solace in the fact that you CAN win the "battle of the bulge".

The inspiration for this dedication comes from the new Missy Elliott video "Lose Control".

I haven't watched TV in a few weeks (never would have thought that possible), but Mr. Chips recently told me that Missy lost alot of weight and he thought it was inspiring. I couldn't imagine her any thinner than she already was, so I had to see the video myself.

I wish I had a picture to show you. All I can say is that she looks fabulous! And from what I hear, it was just good old fashioned diet and exercise. No lipo or gastric bypass. Go Missy!
Now the rest of you.....back to your treadmills. ;-)

Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong country. I should have been British. Even when British people curse, it doesn't sound as vulgar as when Americans curse: "You bloody bastard" v. "You F!@#$# bastard". See what I mean?

My biggest pet peeve amongst Americans in general is how rude we can be. We have no manners. We do whatever we feel, whenever we feel like it, no matter who else will be inconvenienced. We're loud and obnoxious on public transportation. Our men don't give up their seats for pregnant women or the elderly.

I'm reminded of this every morning when I'm getting off the train in Trenton, NJ. There is a long aisle, one person-wide, that runs from one end of the train car to the next. The seats abut the aisle on both sides. There's only one exit in each train car. The ride from Levittown, PA to Trenton, NJ is about 8 minutes. Inevitably, about 3 minutes into the ride, someone will get up from the back of the train and run to stand in front the door, cutting off everyone else in front of them. This starts a chain reaction, since nobody wants to be left behind. Even though I'm usually sitting 2 seats behind the door, if I don't get up, I'll get cut off. That's annoying, but the real problem is what happens when we get off the train.

All those people who raced to train exit will slowly plod to the escalator with their luggage blocking the way of anyone who hoped to pass them. Then they get to the escalator and instead of standing in single file, so that other people can get past them, they stagger themselves, or stand next to each other, so nobody can get by. It's rude, it's inefficient, and it's totally American. Ugh.

It's been a while since we've played Survivor here at Mindless Rant. I think we are overdue for a round. For the newbies: Survivor here is the same as the TV show, except I "vote off" people from my life on the basis of the stuff they do...and there's no prize for winning. (Check the archives for more info).

Today we eliminte my upstairs neighbor "Elizabeth". There's no such thing as "too nice"...but if there were, she would be the posterchild. From the first day I moved in, she was the epitome of good neighboring. Elizabeth lives with her 3 children (I think the oldest is 10 years old). They are always baking goodies and offering me various cookies and cakes. When it's not baking, they're cooking or BBQing. I would never starve. I always tell her that she really doesn't have to do these things (and I mean it), but she insists...so I just take the slabs of cake/brownies, etc and put them in my fridge.

Elizabeth....such a sweetheart, but I never know what to do around her. Have you ever met someone who is always apologetic? I mean sincerely apologizing for things that aren't even offensive. Eg: I'm outside when the mailman delivers the mail, so I'll take hers in and hand it to her if she's in the hallway. She'll immediately say "thanks" and then "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to bother you." I'm not kidding. I'm thinking: "huh? What is she apologizing for?" and then she'll say "OK, I'm going upstairs. I'm so sorry." Hmmmm.

The most recent source of anxiety has been "the car". I got into an accident in March and lost my car. Since then, my sole mode of transportation has been my bicycle. Being a good neighbor, Elizabeth always volunteers to take me to the store or pick things up for me if I need them. Since I don't want to take advantage or develop dependency, I always politely decline. When it's 90 degrees out and my grocery bag is heavy as hell, I still decline. I appreciate her offer, but I just can't do it ya know?

About 2 months ago, Elizabeth went the extra mile and offered to let me use her car whenever I wanted. It's a nice gesture. Really, it is. And offering once would have sufficed, but weekly?! It's getting tedious. I don't know her like that, I'm not insured to drive her car, and she really needs that car. God forbid something should happen while I'm driving, she and her kids would be screwed. Plus, it's an older car, and while it hasn't been known to give trouble, with my luck, something would go wrong and I'd be stuck having to pay for it. NO THANK YOU.

I got tired of finding polite new ways to decline her offer to use her car. Then I decided to tell her "well, I'm really kinda traumatized by the whole driving experience, so I don't want to get behind the wheel." And it's true. I'll drive again someday, but there's no rush. So she upped the ante by offering to take me out and get me reacquainted with driving. "We can use my car. We'll go out in a lot somewhere and work on it until you are comfortable." Again, I decline.

But the kicker is...Liz is severely asthmatic. She has at least one major attack every week. Activities like cutting the grass have been known to trigger these attacks. Well, I've never cut grass with a mower a day in my life, but I feel it's the least I can do. Unfortunately, I don't know how to operate the mower. I tried, but it's an older model and I can't turn the darn thing on because there are no instructions on it...there's some kind of lock that I can't figure out. The one thing I've asked her to do, is show me how to turn it on. She never does. She'll cut the grass while I'm out and then tell me she had an asthma attack and almost had to go to the hospital. *Sigh* I will have to ambush her if I want to learn.

Most recently, I've developed a cold with a nasty cough to accompany it (sounds like a pack/day cigarette smoke kinda cough). Liz, always eager to help, offered me her asthma medicine. "The doctor gave me this amazing stuff...it'll clear that cough right up." I bet that's not all it would clear up. It would probably take my lung out as well. Sharing prescription medicine?! Not cool. At age 37, she should know better.

Maybe I've become a b!tch as I've gotten older...or I'm "too NY" to fully appreciate her. Either way, she's creeping me out. Crazy how the people you want to be nice to you....never are, but then there's other people like Liz who will bend over backwards for you...and you wish they wouldn't.

So...I figured I should take some time off from my usual pity party/"I hate the world" diatribe and say something happy for a change: Happy Father's Day :).

As usual, my brothers didn't have much creative input on the gift for Dad. I just happened to be out with Mom and we saw an ad for a steel band concert at Madison Square Garden on Sunday, so I decided to get tix to the show for her and dad. I extorted the necessary funds from my brothers later. So Dad actually dressed up to go to the show (wowsers, he never dresses up)....he actually outdressed mom for a change.

But the real reason my Dad is cool, is because last night he came into my room to kill the centipede that parked itself on my wall right near the ceiling. It was too high for me to reach and even though I'm grown and I have to kill the vermin myself when I'm alone in PA, it was nice to know that when I go home, Dad will still do it for me. Just like when I was little. Thanks Dad :-).

In junior high, I had a best friend named "Janet". We were in the same homeroom from 6th- 8th grade. Life was good. In 8th grade we took the specialized h.s. test in NYC. I got into Bronx Science. She didn't get into any of the three schools. I didn't want to go to Bx. Sci. at all, but definitely not without my friend. In the end, my parents won out and I went to Bx. Sci. She went away to a boarding school in MA.

Things were never the same after that. We kept in touch at the beginning, but as she settled into her surroundings and made new friends, she became increasingly competitive and obnoxious. Our conversations became shorter and less frequent until we stopped speaking altogether.

Somehow or another, we reconnected towards the end of college. That's when she began the "one-up" game (you know the game: "I walked 5 miles today." "Oh really? I RAN 10".) I had no interest in playing the game. I was really just trying to keep it friendly. So she'd ask me what I was up to, and I'd speak modestly, downplaying some things. But she always had to try to one up me. "So, you graduated early huh? That's cool. I'm graduating next year and I already have a consulting offer from Ernst & Young."

Of course, since her sister and my brother also went to the same JHS, that became additional fodder for the competition: "My sister is going to Cornell. Where's your brother going?" Ugh.

You're probably wondering why I even bothered talking to her. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. Perhaps I'm a sucker for nostalgia. In some ways, I guess I figured that severing communication would signal that I was intimidated by her accomplishments. And I'm not. The race is not for the swiftest, dammit.

Of course, after a year at her fabulous consulting job, she decides to go to law school. Since I started the year before she did (and I'm a sucker), I was glad to offer help in any way I could. Yet, how could I help a person decide "Georgetown Law or U. Penn Law?" when I never had the privilege of such a lofty decision for myself?

We spoke a couple times through law school. I graduated in '04 and she graduated in '05. I took a job in NJ and moved to PA. Rather than risk running into her randomly in the street, I decided to send her a note to say hello, congrats on the upcoming graduation and that I moved to her neck of the woods. Almost 2 months go by and I don't hear anything. Out of the blue I get a message: "hey, how's it going. I just got married this past Saturday. I'm going back to NYC in the fall to work at Skadden. So what's going on with you? Where are you working?"

For those who don't know, Skadden Arps is the elite of U.S. law firms. They will work you like a slave, but you'll get a handsome 6-figure starting salary and the name alone will open doors to unprecedented opportunities. Very few people get in there to begin with, but if you're a Black woman with Skadden Arps on your resume....you're a bad B!tch, to say the least.

I've never thought of myself as a slouch, but of all the people who came out of my homeroom in JHS, I'm among the lowest of the bunch. We had some really heavy hitters in my group. Many of them now count Harvard, Yale, Columbia, NYU, Andover or Exeter among their alma maters (almas mater?). They are network analysts, attorneys, doctors, engineers and business consultants. It really is a beautiful thing to see so many young, talented, accomplished Black professionals.

But I digress. Good for Janet on the marriage and upcoming job, but I was simultaneously disgusted by the fact that she just had to rub it in. She had 2 months to write and she waited until the wedding was over and her Skadden job was secure to respond? I promise you that it took her less than 5 minutes to respond to that email. And now that she's studying for the bar, time is even more of a commodity, but she still made the time to send that email huh? Hmph.

You may be thinking I'm just jealous. You may be right on some level. I don't think I'm greedy though. I never asked to be married at this age, but it would be nice to have someone in my life who makes me fantasize about marriage. Or at least someone that intrigues me the same way I intrigue them.... as opposed to 4 years of one-sided interactions, old/married men, etc.

And I wouldn't even ask for Skadden. Although the money is great, I have no interest in working 100+ hours/week. I could do without trials and court exposure, but I love helping people. If I could do anything in law, I'd have a federal government job in consumer protection. They'll never pay that well, but I did an internship with a federal agency in that exact capacity, and it was one of the best jobs I've ever had.

It seems that anytime I get the slightest inkling of being "proud", something happens to keep me in check. Yet, t folks like Janet are running amuck on vanity and pride. I don't get it. *sigh*

I've had it with my job. I'm tired of my boss thinking that she can just yell at/bully/curse her way into getting what she wants. I feel that a conflict is coming soon.

I also feel that I am ready to retire...or at the very least, I need to go on a serious vacation. And I'm not talking about a weekend away, or even a week away. I'm talking a full-scale, don't come looking for me excursion....at least a month.

The thing is, I've been working at least part time at almost every opportunity I've had since I was 14. When I wasn't working, I was actively looking for work (as my unemployed friends know, job-hunting is like a full time job in itself).

I kept putting it off for various reasons: no money, no time off from work, nobody to go with....but there will always be something holding me back. The odds of me finding a job that are going to let me take more than 2 weeks off at a time are slim to none. So here's my plan: I'm going to be spontaneous :-O. I'm going to finish this project at the end of this month, take the NJ bar at the end of July, figure out how to break my lease and then hand in my 2 weeks' notice. By September 1 (October 1 at the latest), I want to be on a plane to somewhere.

Hopefully, I would have been sworn in by then. I probably won't have a job waiting for me when I get back. I might even have to do the legal temp thing. It's risky, ballsy....and totally unlike me. I like it! Who's coming with me?!

Today's blog is dedicated to dental hygiene. First of all, let me congratulate dentists on their hustle. You go into the dentist for a routine check-up. Not a pain in the world. Next thing you know, they tell you that not only do you have a cavity, but you need a root canal"pronto". Before you have a moment to breathe, you're being poked by a very long needle full of novicaine.

Then everything goes numb.

While you contemplate what would life would be like if the numbness is permanent, and try not to drool on yourself, the dentist is plotting on the rest of your mouth. "Let's see....we got 3 impacted wisdom teeth...when did you have that other wisdom tooth taken out? Looks like there's still a root in there....so next time, we're going to finish up that root canal and get the crown on right? Right. Then we can start working on those wisdom teeth." My mouth must be a dentist's gold mine;they're always finding something that "needs work" in there. Always these multi-step processes. First the root canal, then the follow-up,then the crown. Geez.

As the saying goes: "sometimes the cure is worse than the disease." When it comes to the 6-month cleaning, truer words have never been spoken. Well, since I didn't have insurance for a while, I've missed a couple cleanings. When the hygenist put on the clear, full-face visor, I knew she meant business. That little pick is an evil torture tool...but it did the job :-).

Now that they are squeaky clean, I've become somewhat obsessed with my teeth. I brush at least 3 times a day; don't want to have any colored food/drink. Don't get me started on the Listerine and floss usage. This is not to say that I was a yuck-mouth before....I just wasn't obsessed.

My new research project is orthodontics and cosmetic dentistry. I had braces a long time ago....I have noticed some shifting going on in the dental realm, and I want to get it fixed before I revert to my former buck-toothed self.

Sometimes I think it would just be easier to get a full set of dentures and call it a day. :-/

My dad is a James Bond freak. He must have seen every single episode 99 times, but he's still parked on the couch all day today, reveling in the hijinks of Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Sean Connery and the other Bond men.

Not to be crass, but did they have to call that one episode "Octopussy"?! It just ain't right I tell ya. I'm glad that I never had to go to the movies to see that. I couldn't imagine saying "two tickets for Octopussy please".

It's like that whole Nixon spy thing..."Deep Throat". Why would they call him that?

Yeah, I'm weird. I know. My favorite Bond man was Sean Connery :-).

Happy June. Yes, I've been M.I.A. for about a week. I was "getting my hustle on". I will be kinda scarce as the N.J. bar exam gets closer.Eeek. If I thought I was unfocused for the February exam, I am even worse for this one. My only incentive is that I already paid for thetest.

I think I need a new blog for my random dating experiences. It will be good to reminisce without searching through my other drivel. Keep in mind, these dating experiences could be once every 6 months or once/week so stay tuned. Now without further ado, I present: THE DATING CHRONICLES.