Lifestyles of the poor and nameless

In junior high, I had a best friend named "Janet". We were in the same homeroom from 6th- 8th grade. Life was good. In 8th grade we took the specialized h.s. test in NYC. I got into Bronx Science. She didn't get into any of the three schools. I didn't want to go to Bx. Sci. at all, but definitely not without my friend. In the end, my parents won out and I went to Bx. Sci. She went away to a boarding school in MA.

Things were never the same after that. We kept in touch at the beginning, but as she settled into her surroundings and made new friends, she became increasingly competitive and obnoxious. Our conversations became shorter and less frequent until we stopped speaking altogether.

Somehow or another, we reconnected towards the end of college. That's when she began the "one-up" game (you know the game: "I walked 5 miles today." "Oh really? I RAN 10".) I had no interest in playing the game. I was really just trying to keep it friendly. So she'd ask me what I was up to, and I'd speak modestly, downplaying some things. But she always had to try to one up me. "So, you graduated early huh? That's cool. I'm graduating next year and I already have a consulting offer from Ernst & Young."

Of course, since her sister and my brother also went to the same JHS, that became additional fodder for the competition: "My sister is going to Cornell. Where's your brother going?" Ugh.

You're probably wondering why I even bothered talking to her. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. Perhaps I'm a sucker for nostalgia. In some ways, I guess I figured that severing communication would signal that I was intimidated by her accomplishments. And I'm not. The race is not for the swiftest, dammit.

Of course, after a year at her fabulous consulting job, she decides to go to law school. Since I started the year before she did (and I'm a sucker), I was glad to offer help in any way I could. Yet, how could I help a person decide "Georgetown Law or U. Penn Law?" when I never had the privilege of such a lofty decision for myself?

We spoke a couple times through law school. I graduated in '04 and she graduated in '05. I took a job in NJ and moved to PA. Rather than risk running into her randomly in the street, I decided to send her a note to say hello, congrats on the upcoming graduation and that I moved to her neck of the woods. Almost 2 months go by and I don't hear anything. Out of the blue I get a message: "hey, how's it going. I just got married this past Saturday. I'm going back to NYC in the fall to work at Skadden. So what's going on with you? Where are you working?"

For those who don't know, Skadden Arps is the elite of U.S. law firms. They will work you like a slave, but you'll get a handsome 6-figure starting salary and the name alone will open doors to unprecedented opportunities. Very few people get in there to begin with, but if you're a Black woman with Skadden Arps on your resume....you're a bad B!tch, to say the least.

I've never thought of myself as a slouch, but of all the people who came out of my homeroom in JHS, I'm among the lowest of the bunch. We had some really heavy hitters in my group. Many of them now count Harvard, Yale, Columbia, NYU, Andover or Exeter among their alma maters (almas mater?). They are network analysts, attorneys, doctors, engineers and business consultants. It really is a beautiful thing to see so many young, talented, accomplished Black professionals.

But I digress. Good for Janet on the marriage and upcoming job, but I was simultaneously disgusted by the fact that she just had to rub it in. She had 2 months to write and she waited until the wedding was over and her Skadden job was secure to respond? I promise you that it took her less than 5 minutes to respond to that email. And now that she's studying for the bar, time is even more of a commodity, but she still made the time to send that email huh? Hmph.

You may be thinking I'm just jealous. You may be right on some level. I don't think I'm greedy though. I never asked to be married at this age, but it would be nice to have someone in my life who makes me fantasize about marriage. Or at least someone that intrigues me the same way I intrigue them.... as opposed to 4 years of one-sided interactions, old/married men, etc.

And I wouldn't even ask for Skadden. Although the money is great, I have no interest in working 100+ hours/week. I could do without trials and court exposure, but I love helping people. If I could do anything in law, I'd have a federal government job in consumer protection. They'll never pay that well, but I did an internship with a federal agency in that exact capacity, and it was one of the best jobs I've ever had.

It seems that anytime I get the slightest inkling of being "proud", something happens to keep me in check. Yet, t folks like Janet are running amuck on vanity and pride. I don't get it. *sigh*