Lifestyles of the poor and nameless

Remind me again.....how long was I searching for a job? How long did I delay the NJ position? Wasn't it a couple months??

So why did I get a call today from a place that I applied to in JULY, asking me to come in?! Could it be the fact that I've been desperately searching for an apartment in NJ/PA?

It's nice to know God has a sense of humor. It would be even better if I thought the joke was funny. lol.

In exactly ten minutes the guards will come barreling down the hallway, banging their clubs against the iron bars that have been my home for the past seven years. I have been in the custody of the Harris County Correctional Facility for 2,565 days; Yesterday was my 33rd birthday. If I am lucky, I will be here on my 73rd. If I am not so lucky, I will be turned over to a North Carolina State maximum security penitentiary where I will serve the rest of my 55-year sentence.

These are my last moments before daybreak comes and the facility is teeming with activity. Pardon me while I get on my knees and speak to my Creator.

ONE

At 7:15am I reach under my metal slab of a cot and take out my last bar of Ambi Cocoa Butter Soap. This, along with my Coconut-scented body lotion from Bath & Body Works, is all that remains of the life I left behind. I allow myself to quickly inhale the rich sent of the Coconut lotion and instantaneously I am transported to that day:

7:15am, March 23, 2001. I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock for the second time that morning and contemplate taking off from work today. At 7:20 the clock goes off again and I postpone the sick day to some undetermined point in the future. I get out of bed and go to the window. The sunrise was always breathtaking from my Penthouse apartment on the upper east side of Manhattan. On those rare weekends we were able to be together, my boyfriend Shawn and I liked to watch the sunrise. Recently Shawn had taken to watching the sunrise with someone else. I wonder if the sunrise was as picturesque for him this morning from his 10th story hospital window. F--- him and the sunrise. I draw the curtain and abruptly turn towards the bathroom.

I turn on the shower and start peeling out of my clothes as the fog begins to cloud the mirror.

I stayed up late, in anticipation of beating my mom to the kitchen. Yet again, she beat me to it. It's a CONSPIRACY I tell you! I took a nap...got to the kitchen at 7am and she'd already attacked the bird. GRRRRRR.

On a side note: has anyone been watching Jeopardy these days? There's a guy on there named Ken Jennings---amazing. Who wins $50,000 in one round of Jeopardy? Geez. His total so far is almost $2.5 million. If he keeps going like this, he could very well quit his job. $50,000 for one hour of "work" (minus commercials, etc). Must be nice.

Hello all...Thanksgiving Day is upon us once more. I'm thankful to have made it to another year. I'm thankful for good friends and a paycheck on the way. Now let's eat!

This year (for the first time) I'm going to try my hand at *drumroll please* THE BIRD. I can cook a decent meal (nobody has died from my cooking); but I have yet to create the bird. I want to get to the point where I'm trading recipies and discussing gravy.

Each year, I promise that I'm going to do the turkey, but it never happens. My mom will always wake up at the crack of dawn and hijack the kitchen. By the time I get in there at 8:30AM, all the real work has been done. Grrr! Not this time. I have to get "domesticated" in some form eventually...might as well start with Thanksgiving.

Coming soon to a table near you:


"Product of a 'house-broken' woman"

Did anyone see the infamous clip from 106 & Park where Michelle (of Destiny's Child) fell on the floor? I recently saw it for the first time and I have to say....that's going to make headlines for years to come. Sadly, it makes me feel better about my own spill in the street on the way to my interview a couple weeks ago.

Alot of people have criticized Beyonce and Kelly for not stopping to help her. As the saying goes, though "the show must go on".

Here's the clip: http://home.comcast.net/~caligee/dc.gif

Out of all the disappointment over the past couple weeks.....I still have to thank God for my blessings. I've really come to see the beauty of my friends. I feel blessed to have such a support network of people I know--- and even those I didn't think I was that close with. I received this email from a former classmate today:

Hey R,
If I'm reading the tealeaves right, you've not gotten any good news lately....
just wanted to let you know that someone out here (and I'm not alone I know) happens to think that you are a remarkable woman with real wisdom, character and integrity (a prodigy, actually!)
I hope you know that what you have here is a set-back; I think you have probably figured out that they crop up in life from time to time. Please don't lose faith in yourself; you will prevail!

She and I were never close per se, but she's always looked out for me on the little things--- inviting me to her graduation party, helping me with the job search--- when there was no reason for her to do it. I appreciate that. The email really touched me. I hope I can be half the friend to her that she has been to me.

It's been a while since I've been here. I guess there just hasn't been much to say. I've been studying a little, apartment-hunting like there's no tomorrow, and....that's about it. I quit both jobs, so there aren't really stories to tell. I guess that's all for now folks. I think I'll be back after turkey day. So eat well!

Well....I've survived. I failed NY too. Let's have a party. The waiting, debating, hoping and praying have all yielded to determination. Now it's personal....I'm going to pass this thing dagnabit!

The one good thing about all this is that it's brought out my "hustler's mentality". For as long as I can remember, I've been coming up with random inventions/business ideas/ways to make money (legally). It seems like there's always been an idea or a "plan B" that I haven't put into action for various reasons....lack of time, no money, not enough support. In one of my "screw the Bar, I'll be a millionaire without those bastards" moments, I came up with a business idea.

A friend of mine told me that the Girls Gone Wild video concept was created by a guy when he was in his 20s. Today he's making $100MM/year from it. All that money just for breasts on a screen. I would love to see even 1% of that income. I'm still in my 20s....it's about time I put some of these plans to work. Roll the dice and hope for the best. Today I actually sat at work and wrote a preliminary pitch for my idea. All I need is a viable name and a clearer description and I will apply for a patent.

I will have the last laugh!

*WARNING* May contain gross imagery. Reader discretion is advised

I have a pretty cool, older co-worker. He really has some great advice and tells pretty funny jokes. However...I've noticed a bit of an office hygiene problem over the past few weeks and I think he's the culprit because the evidence points to him....but I don't want to believe it. So here's the deal:

We work in a small office that's all female, with the exception of one man. The office is not exactly a commercial space. It's like a private house that got converted into an office. The bathroom looks like what you'd find in a house, not at your usual office. The tub has been boarded up though, so no baths at lunch-time.

One day I went to the bathroom I noticed that it reeked of old piss. What a stench. I realized that there was no way I could leave the bathroom smelling like that because if someone saw me coming out of there, they'd think I made it smell that way. I thought that maybe the toilet had a leak or something. I took a whiff around the place. Then I noticed that the stench radiated from the sink. Upon further inspection, I found that there were some yellow droplets in the sink. Gross! I sprayed disinfectant in the sink, washed my hands and left.

Next week: same scene happened on both days that I was in the office. I will not go into details on my speculation. I will only say this-- there is one man in the office and everyone else is female. He always uses the bathroom. Sometimes he's the only person that uses it for the whole day.

Coincidence? I think not.

I have been actively scanning apartment listings this weekend. I feel like most links lead back to the same 5 apartments on rent.com. *Sigh* I found a cool little underground spot: http://www.cityleases.org. I called about one apartment and although it was shown today, it just might be open next week so I can see it. During my search I found out about somethign called Freecycle. It's like a Craig'sList but only for free stuff. No personals, no apartments....just free stuff, covering a wide range of places. It's worth a look:
http://www.freecycle.org/display.php?region=US%20Northeast

That's right....the NJ bar results came out. Yours truly is not a member. Barring some miracle, I guess I won't be making it in NY either. Does this mean I get to have a drink or resume some of the activities I banned myself from previously?

I know that we can't put God "on demand".....maybe I did that and didn't realize it. I know there were some undesirable habits I had in my life which were preventing me from reaching my spiritual potential. So I said "God, you know the challenges that lie before me, and only you can get me through them. As a sign of faith, I'm going to get rid of these things and clean up my ways...so I can be closer to you. Help a sista out here." And my friends said "geez...don't you think that's a little extreme? Do you really think you can do it?" And I said "I don't have a choice. I made a promise to God. I may have backed out on others, but I'm following through this time." I really did maintain my end...surprisingly. Then I have today's news.

It's times like these when a sign would be really helpful. :-

OK kids, last week I promised that I'd talk about men in pink shirts. So here it is. Feel free to weigh in with your comments.

I recently heard this hilarious song by a group called Crime Mob called In My Pink Tee. I think it speaks well for how ridiculous the pink t-shirt phenomenon really is. I won't post all the words here because it can be kinda graphic. For those who want the uncensored version: http://www.lyricest.com/?sec=listing&id=16833. For everyone else, here's an intro:


yup in my pink tee [3x]
[4x]what in my pink teehuh in my pink teeyeah in my pink tee
[Chorus:] [2x]
i look fruity in my pink tee,
weird in my pink tee
people think that i go both ways in my pink tee,
i look sweet in my pink tee,
funny in my pink tee,
got a purple thong to go along wit my pink tee,
no draws wit my pink tee,
look lame in my pink tee,
fa'get a female, i get a man wit my pink tee...

As the weather gets colder and we start bundling up, this age-old issue rears its ugly head: people who wear winter clothes with flip-flops. Can anyone explain this to me? If it's so cold that you need a scarf, hat, gloves and other winter accessories...WHY do you have flip-flops on? Are you really that desperate to show off your pedicure? Or is there something else going on?

The rock has yielded to the hard place. After months of dodging, I am going to NJ. I didn't get the position with ABC...so there's only one other option. Time to start apartment-hunting. I think this is the beginning of a downward spiral :-(......bar results for NY and NJ will be out by Tuesday of next week.

Mr. Sunday did not call and my mother said I should leave it alone. I've never listened to my mom when it comes to guys and I usually end up with some drama. This time I'm going to listen. I erased the #.

They say everything happens for a reason....I'm trying to hold onto that while I wait for the revelation.

For the past month and a half, I've been hiding from a job I was offered in Trenton, NJ. Well, I can't hide any longer.

I had an interview on Monday at a city agency that I really want to work for. I have been applying to this place since I found out about their openings in July. Like clockwork I'd keep getting those stupid postcards: Thanks for your interest in ABC Agency. Your resume has been forwarded to the appropriate department and you will be contacted if anyone wants to interview you. (With the underlying message of "don't hold your breath"). So I gave my resume to some political friends and told them that I was trying to work in that agency....and I continued to apply there when jobs opened up. Finally, I got called in for an interview.

I went for the interview (spiffy in my suit and heels, hair did....lol) only to fall in the street on the way there. My foible was only witnessed by 5 people. The interview was alright, although the woman was pretty hard to read. She said I'd hear from them in 2 weeks.

And as fate would have it, NJ called up the next day and said they wanted me to start on November 29th. Could I do it? I said.....umm....let me get back to you on that. They said "please hurry because Governor McGreevy is leaving on Monday and we need to get these papers signed before he leaves. DAMN. So I've been trying to call the woman from Monday incessantly since then. No response. My political friends say: hey, worst case scenario...accept NJ and then if you find out you got ABC, just quit. You don't owe them anything, and you have to look out for your career first. I can't do that though. In the interview, I gave my word that I wouldn't just back out of the job like previous candidates. I think that's why they agreed to hire me. It's my reputation on the line. If I take it, I'd really just have to stick with it. The last thing I'd want to hear is that ABC calls me after I accepted NJ and says "Congrats! You've got the job" So I'd just withdraw my application. *Sigh* the irony of it all. This is the very predicament I was trying to avoid....that's why I started applying in July instead of October. Que sera sera.

P.S. I called the guy...but he didn't answer and I didn't leave a message.

You see....this is why I don't blog everyday. Who has time to prepare a post, only to have it erased during the saving process?! Another one bites the dust. ARGH! Maybe I'll re-write it tomorrow. I'm done for today.

(I bet this one will go through effortlessly)

I've been MIA for a couple days. It's been pretty hectic. Here's the first installment:

Sunday was a beautiful day. The weather was mild and I had just gotten my hair done the day before (what a difference a day makes). I met some friends in the city at an Indian restaurant on W.55th Street (I love naan!). We parted ways around 5pm, and even though it was dark, I just didn't want to go home. So I decided to walk downtown and take in the city scenery. When I got to about 44th street and 7th Ave, I noticed a guy walking in the uptown direction. As he passed by, he smiled and said hello. I responded "hi" and kept walking. A few steps later, my brain kicked in and I thought "wait a minute....people don't just say hi in NYC, and he had a really nice smile. That hasn't happened since last year, and last year you didn't say anything to the guy. So you've been wondering 'what if?' since then. Go back! Don't let this one get away!"

I turned around with the intention of trying to catch up with this guy and I noticed that he had also stopped and turned around. So we walked back towards each other and proceeded to have an awkward 10 minute dialogue. Well...awkward for me because I was a stuttering idiot. I kept staring at him. He was about 6'3, deep chocolate complexion and only one earring. Then there was that smile :-D. To top it all off, he is an upwardly mobile professional. Like I said...I was a stuttering idiot. When does that ever happen though? Usually in the street I get old men or really young ones, "hey ma, can I holla at you?", or a really attractive guy who is clearly looking to "shag". I can handle those because I'm used to them. This was totally different. He never asked about my age or relationship status, and he actually tried to have a meaningful conversation. Despite my ineptitude, he still asked to exchange numbers. Then came the "send off": Let's keep in touch. Good luck with everything.

That sounds like something you hear at the end of a networking meeting or job information session where the employer knows you have no future with their company. They'll keep you "on file" if anything comes up and everyone else in the world is dead, but they're not really feeling you.

This situation spawned a series of debates with friends. Some swear that a female in this position absolutely has to follow the rules of engagement aka game and should not call the guy under any circumstances. Some others (myself included) hate game and think that if you start a relationship or dating situation by game, then you have to follow that forever. Those who favor game theory say that a female looks desperate if she makes any kind of move, and she risks scaring the guy away. I say: screw that. I didn't get to this point in life by waiting for things to happen so why start now? If he's one of those corny guys that's going to get intimidated by a woman who makes moves, then I need to get rid of him early. For those who think game is a good idea (and knew me at the time), one word: LaVar. Case closed.

After the usual disclaimer about how I'm not the most fashionable person in the world, I present: "When women dress in the dark"


Women who dress in the dark might forget their undies!

Next week's Friday Fashion: "Men in Pink Shirts". Stay tuned.

*Sigh* It's over. For those of you holding out hope that we'll get some miraculous news from Ohio, let it go. Even Kerry conceded, so why are you holding on? Ohio...the new Florida. "Who woulda thunk it?" In this day of technology and gadgetry, why is voting still so complex and archaic? People still waiting in line for eons to pull the lever, touch the screen in the kiosk or fill out a paper ballot that gets filed in a special box (or trash can, as it were). What was voting like when George Washington was elected? Roosevelt? It seems like the more technology we have to simplify things, the more opportunities there are for the process to be screwed up. We have all the intelligence in the world at our disposal...yet we still have George W. Bush in office. That's right kids: "the more things change, the more they stay the same".

So we have 4 more years of oppression.

This election has spawned some questions for me:
1. WHY on earth are minorities voting Republican?! I have encountered some Black Republicans in my day and I really don't comprehend it. Yesterday at the poll, two Black females were debating. They looked to be 18-20. One was for Kerry ("K1") and the other for Bush ("B1"). B1's arguments in support of Bush were as nonsensical as Bush's own arguments in defense of his actions. K1 reminded B1 about the war and B1 responded "well, none of my family is involved in that so it doesn't matter". I wanted to grab her and shake her. This is what happens when "thinkers" are afflicted with hedonism. Very dangerous combination.

2. With all the efforts to mobilize the vote, how is it that roughly the same number of 18-24 year olds voted yesterday as they did in 2000? Word on the street is that the "Vote or Die" campaign, and other similar youth and urban vote mobilization efforts led to a larger percentage of voters in favor of this year's democratic candidate, but didn't do anything to increase the # of 18-24 year old voters. I.E. if 300,000 18-24 year olds voted in 2000, then 300,000 voted in 2004. The only difference is that in 2004 Kerry got more of the 300,000 than Gore did in 2000. That sucks....and what's up with Ludacris, 50 Cent and Paris Hilton ("Vote or Die" promo people) not voting...allegedly not even registered to vote?! http://www.nydailynews.com/11-03-2004/news/col/story/249160p-213102c.html

3. Why is it that George W. Bush can be elected twice and neither a female nor a person of color is likely to even get a primary election nomination?
I don't need to comment on this one. It speaks for itself.

So here we are folks....election night. I hope you've all done your duty. As I'm writing this, Kerry is losing. Not a good look. I hope this doesn't continue. In retrospect, it's "6 of one, half a dozen of the other" as my dad would say. [Meaning that at the end of the day Kerry and Bush are just 2 politicians and pretty much the same thing.] Kerry's just the lesser of 2 evils.

Good thing there's Real World to give us a break from all this madness.

BAM! There I go, posting on two consecutive days...throwing off the whole flow. Lol. I bet you weren't expecting anything until tomorrow. Surprise! I had to make a special post to remind you scallywags to VOTE OR DIE!