Lifestyles of the poor and nameless

Back in the days when I was active on BlackPlanet, I had seen a guy's page and thought he would be an interesting person to know. We'll call him "Jeff". He was self-described as a young entrepreneur; he had his own video/TV/film production company (and yes, I thought he was attractive... and he is a college grad). Since I plan to start my own thing someday, I'm always on the lookout for people who have done/are doing their own businesses. I sent him a message and we had a conversation. Everytime I saw him online after that, he was "away", and I never got any messages from him, so I erased his screen name and moved on.

Imagine my surprise when I got a message from him this weekend, about 8/9 months after our initial encounter. At first I didn't even remember who he was. After a little refresher, we had a pretty decent convo. We spoke about business start-up for a bit and made plans to discuss it again at a later point. This morning I got a message from him, asking me to call him. No problem. I called. To make a long story short: He had about 6 outstanding parking tickets dating back to 1999. He got pulled over this weekend and his license was suspended at least until he pays off the tickets. He was locked up in a holding cell for most of the weekend. By his words, this was a "blessing in disguise", because he had planned to pay off the tickets and never got around to it. Now, he doesn't have a choice.

He wanted my help in the matter. I said "well...I don't know too much about traffic law, but I'll see what I can find out." He said "I kinda meant financially." And it wasn't just $5 either. This man had the nerve to ask for $150! Notorious B.I.G. said it best: "Damn, why they wanna stick me for my paper?!"

I'm offended that he would even ask me for money. That's a real "female dog" move on his part, if ya know what I mean. I've watched too many episodes of Judge Judy to fall into that mess. If Jeff was irresponsible enough to rack up all those tickets, get his license suspended and not even have $150 to spare to pay it off, then I don't think I need to know him. If I'm the first person he turned to, it's either because he thinks I'm a sucker and he'd get a free $150, or he owes massive amounts to all of his other friends/family and I'm the only person left.

Despite his promises to pay me back within a week, I declined to assist and suggested that he should try to get $ from his credit card. He mumbled something about not having a card and I told him "good luck". Ugh. *Disgust*

As Star & Bucwild would say: "that's today's loser/burnout/wannabe"

OK, so I think we've had enough melodrama for a TV movie during the past few posts. Time to lighten up. For inspiration, I turned to Wendy Williams ("Wendy's got the heat"). This might get "racy" for some of you, so my easy-queasy readers may want to skip this one.
During a recent show's advice segment, she received a letter from a woman who had responded to an ad for foot fetish party models. Since one of Wendy's radio entourage frequents these parties, the writer wanted to know what happens at these parties, and what makes "a pretty foot".

Since I hate my feet, I was curious to hear. Wendy's compadre, Sam (who is a Black man, by the way), said that there are no Black women as models at these parties because the stark contrast between the color of the sole of the foot and the hue of a Black woman's skin is not considered attractive. White women, whose soles almost match their skin are therefore much more attractive for this purpose.....hmmm.

Next was the arch. The better the arch, the more attractive the foot. Apparently women get paid $20 for 10-minute "foot jobs" and the arch is essential. Personally, I find this to be kind of weird. If a man wants a "foot job", what's to stop him from wanting to get rubbed by a monkey? I mean really--- human feet, monkey hands....same idea.

Anyway, several other things were mentioned: absolutely no corns, bunions or hair of any kind. The middle toe must not be longer than the big toe (although I heard that if your middle toe is longer than your big toe, then it's a sign that you're a "free-thinker"/natural leader), the big toe must be large, round and bulbous, and if you're over a size 7.5-8 then your feet are too big to be cute. If your soles are soft,somewhat pink and wrinkly--- in addition to everything else--- then you are a prime candidate.

Oh, and if you want to be a foot model at one of these parties, it doesn't mean that you get to have the face of a troll either. You have to be the "total package".

Now what I want to know is....with all these people running around in stilettos and pointy-toed elf shoes, how are people maintaining? Am I the only ungraceful elephant who hates high shoes? I wore heels daily for the first 2 weeks of work, and I got a fat blister on the bottom of my toe. Thereafter, my feet went on strike and I am back to flats. I keep the heels in my bag in case there's a meeting or something. And yes, I revel in casual Fridays when I get to wear jeans and sneakers to work.

The joy of being a woman is NOT in wearing shoes so tight and uncomfortable that they cut off your circulation. Why don't we just re-instate Chinese foot-binding while we're at it?

Yesterday was a lengthy post on a real-life situation. Although I made light of it, in reality....the situation stresses me out. I was talking to a friend of mine about it and he suggested that I need to lay the smackdown on Diane--- either tell her about herself or pay full rent and leave her to deal with her snow, garbage, dishes and anything else that comes along. He believes that unless I do this, things will continue to get worse, to the point where I will end up cleaning her bathroom on the weekends or something.

I tried to explain to him that it's not that simple. No, I don't plan to clean her bathroom, but at the same time, I'm not in a position to pack up and move right now. If I decide to "lay the smackdown", she can always pull the trump card and say "fine. Get out." And then where will I be? Less than a month away from my exam, not enough money saved up to get an apartment, and either moving back home and doing the 3-hour commute each way or staying in a nearby hotel. Actually, the hotel's not such a bad idea, but it would still be an unnecessary expense. The more I spend now is the less I'll have to put towards an apartment next month.

There's a chance that I can give her a piece of my mind and she will just recoil and leave me alone, but knowing that she's extremely impatient and prone to just flip out (case in point: she had problems with her printer, so she just unplugged everything, removed the ink tanks and threw them away--- when the ink tanks weren't even the problem) I'd rather not take the chance. Although it was her idea and she is being rather miserable, she's still doing ME a favor by letting me stay. She doesn't owe me anything. And if I started making noise, I really think she would just say "get out." It's not like she's in a desperate situation and needs the money I'm giving her; it's just pocket change for her.

I firmly believe that respect should be a 2-way street, but at the same time "know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em" wasn't just a good hook for a song. Those are words to live by. So as annoyed as I am with her and her whole 'tude, I only have a few more weeks to go. She's going away for a week in the beginning of February and on February 16, I go back to NYC to study until after my test on February 23.

I'll be back on February 24 and I plan to make phone calls about apartments THAT DAY. Wild horses couldn't stop me.

If you've been reading faithfully, or are just tuning in...welcome to the 2nd round of Survivor. In the 1st round, I voted off a co-worker referred to as "Roberta" (check the archives). As you know, Survivor the TV show didn't stop with one elimination, so I've decided to keep going, but also add a twist. This week, we will have "Survivor--- Home Edition". Is there a family member/living partner who is getting on your nerves? Vote them off right here.

I only live with one other person at the moment, so naturally, because it's either her or me, I'm gonna pick her. But even in a house full of people, she would be the first one eliminated. I'll call her "Diane".

Diane is an older woman who's agreed to let me stay at her place when I moved to PA. Although I was skeptical at first and hate to be dependent on people, she insisted it was not a problem, and I didn't have enough money to put up much of a fight. My parents thought it was a great idea. The agreement was that I would pay an undetermined amount of $ each month. Not full rent, but a little something. Although it wasn't stated, the understanding is that I would help out around the house (buy milk, wash dishes, etc) to subsidize the rent. Kudos to you Diane, for your gracious offer.

The dish-washing was my mom's idea really. It seemed innocent enough- if Diane leaves a bowl in the sink and you're done with breakfast, wash her bowl too. Cool. But lately, Diane's been getting out of control, leaving not just a couple bowls and utensils, but pots and multiple dishes from meals that I do not share. In all fairness, yes she offers me food from time to time, but I don't want to "owe" her for the food ya know? Whether I ate or not, I still got stuck washing the pots and dishes from last night's crab-leg dinner (which I didn't eat, mind you). Alright, whatever.

Then, there was the incident with the snow. Last Saturday, we got a total accumulation of about 20 inches. While the snow was still falling, I went out and started shoveling. Maybe 8 or 9 inches had piled up by then. Diane comes to the door (with an attitude), exclaiming about how it didn't make any sense to be outside shoveling at that point because the snow hadn't stopped. Now, there are several schools of thought on whether to wait till snow is finished before you start shoveling. But either way, was the elevated voice necessary? Was the attitude required? How about appreciating the fact that you, an older woman, now have 8-9 less inches to remove and it was done for free?!

Lastly (oh there's more, but this is the last one I'll write about)--- after Diane's famous crab-leg dinner, she did not take the garbage out. So crab remnants stayed in the garbage over the weekend and by the time I got home from work on Monday evening, the place smelled like a fish market. I took the garbage out by the street and put plastic bags in the bucket, as was the custom. Keep in mind that I barely put things in the garbage there. On occasion I might throw out a yogurt cup (but only after I've rinsed it out). I generally eat things that produce "smelly garbage" (fruits, food, etc) at work. In the house I only eat cereal/bread/turkey. I don't even cook there. So imagine my surprise when Diane comes at me the next morning (with her 'tude) talking about "next time you go to the supermarket, ask them for paper bags because the plastic gets holes in it and things drip in the bucket and I don't like to have things dripping all over the place."Excuse me?! She's the one making the mess. I don't even throw things out so all that 'tude was not necessary.

Oh yes...and as to that undetermined amount of $, it ended up being $100- $200 less than what I would pay for full rent elsewhere. I would have preferred to pay the extra money and at least be on my own.

So for all these reasons, Diane--- pack your bags and get out. Oh wait, it's your house. Fine. I'll go...but you're still voted off the island.

I was listening to Wendy Williams' radio show this week (that's right, I listen to Wendy sometimes...and what?!) and she was discussing an interesting news item.

Apparently, there is a reggae artist currently residing in Jamaica, who has AIDS. Sad news. The kicker is that the man has 30 (yes I said THIRTY) children with at least 10 different women. We hope that it's only 10 women. If it's closer to 30 women, it's just a miserable situation.

Clearly, the man must not care for contraception (or his pay check, since it probably all goes to child support, but that's another issue). So that's at least 10 women who have been exposed to AIDS...plus the partners that those 10 or more women may have had; not to mention the children involved in all this.

*Crossing legs* Now you see why I refuse to be anybody's "jumpoff". Contraception is good, abstaining is even better.

This public service announcement was paid for by a person who cares.

I was looking through some music files that my brother had "appropriated" for his iPod and I found a song by Kriss Kross-- a young rap duo circa 1995 who introduced the world to the art of wearing our clothes backwards.

I will not try to impress you with my recitation of the lyrics to their popular song Jump Jump...but rest assured that I do remember the lyrics to both verses ;-).

What ever happened to them? They had one other single called "I missed the bus" and then they disappeared. VH1 should look them up for "Where Are They Now?"

I think that my job is an alternate universe known as "The Twilight Zone". Why do I think so? I went to a meeting yesterday with about 13 people. Let me start by saying that they are all very nice people; very witty and sarcastic. It was great. But as I started examining the faces around the table, I noticed that all the women had these suitcases under their eyes. I say "suitcases" and not just "bags" because I want you to get a sense of the magnitude of the problem. It was not just limited to the women at that meeting. So far, about 85-90% of the women I've met here have the same suitcase malady.

About a week after I got here, I noticed that I also started having these suitcases under my eyes. I thought that maybe it was lack of sleep or a side effect of waking up early. But even when I get 8-9 hours of sleep at night, I still have the suitcases. :-O

Oddly enough, the men here don't seem to have this problem. They've got the standard beer bellies/balding of middle-aged men, but not the bags. What gives? Why do the women look like zombies from Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video, but the men look regular? Is it something in the water? Hmmmmm.

What is it about women and cats? Why do so many women (notably single) have cats?
Aside from a few goldfish in my youth...and my two younger brothers (ha!)...I never had any pets. For the past few years, I've been thinking of getting a small turtle (something that could fit in the palm of my hand). Why a turtle? Well, it's small, doesn't require much maintenance, and (slightly) more interactive than fish. I think I'm going to get the turtle.

But for some reason I can't explain, as I get closer and closer to having my own place, I have this overwhelming desire to get a cat. When I was little I hated cats. They were jealous creatures, sneaky and notorious for scratching the heck out of furniture and people who got in their way. Old, single women always seemed to have an abundance of cats crawling all over the place....I never wanted to share that fate. I always figured that if I had enough space for a pet, I would get a dog.

Yet, I've got this cat thing going on. Is it because of the phases of the moon? Estrogen levels on the upswing? I have no clue. I just know that I really want a cat all of a sudden. Maybe this is how the old single women with more cats than human friends got their start. Someone I know recently told me of a woman that was removed from her apartment because she had 87 cats. Some of the cats had hollowed out her mattress and were living inside it. Please do not let me end up like that.

I hope this is a phase that ends with the craving for a cat. Some of my older friends are in the advanced stages of whatever this is. They complain of barren wombs and wanting to have children. Eeeek.

Whoever wrote the song "Let It Snow" must not have had to shovel snow a day in their lives. This weekend gave new meaning to "the weather outside is frightful". However, I think this weekend's snow-removal exercise made up for the past month of sitting around stuffing my face and not moving. I am pleased to say that I worked up a sweat while I was outside in 10 degree weather.

The wicked thing about all that snow is that it started on Saturday and stopped promptly on Sunday afternoon....just so there would be enough time to clean up for work on Monday. And no offense to my white friends, but really....what's the deal? If you're a salaried employee, WHY are you so eager to get to work? You're gonna get paid regardless. Let's close work and stay home. Watch a movie, catch up with family and friends or something. Do not get in your 4 x 4 truck with the snow plow attached and try to clear out the street. That's what you pay taxes for...let the city sanitation do its job. Do not hop on your dirt bike/snow buggy and ride through the streets. Shovel your driveway and get back under the covers. Maybe this is why I'm not in charge.

The talk of the town this weekend is that the Philadelphia Eagles won their match against the Falcons so they're going to the Superbowl for the first time since 1981 or something like that. Woop dee doo. Unfortunately, I'm not a football fan and could care less about the Eagles (I know, for some people this is utter sacrilege) so all the celebrations and headlines mean nothing to me.
I'm the only person at work so far.

I'm running around at work in my socks because my boots are so cold (aren't Timberlands supposed to be "weatherproof"?) Or maybe my socks are just too thin. I want to get a pair of those socks that look like gloves for your feet....the ones with individual toes. They are slightly unnerving...especially when they're in those bright, "hey look, I have a rainbow on my feet" colors.

There is exactly one month left until the Bar exam. Yikes!

A friend sent me this forward today and I thought it was too good not to share. I have forwarded it to those surreptitious stragglers who insist on contacting me once every so often. I deleted the part about "this is a simple test, if you love Jesus, send it to everyone you know." I hate seeing that on e-mails. I don't think that Christ would have wanted people to be "bullied" or reverse-psyched into spreading his message; but that's another topic for another day. Without further ado....


Let it go for 2005...by T. D. Jakes


There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when
I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying
attached to you.

I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them
walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made
manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt
they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are
not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't
mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over.

And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that
you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's
dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got
the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in
good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know
whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes
too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them
go!!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was
never intended for your life, then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ...LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your
worth...LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ... LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to
some thoughts of evil and revenge .. LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ... LET IT
GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
talents ...LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!! If you keep judging others to
make yourself feel better... LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level
in Him..LET IT GO!!! If you are struggling with the healing of a broken
relationship....>LET IT GO!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help
themselves...LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ... LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need
to... LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.GOD is doing a new
thing for 2005!!! LET IT GO!!! Get Right or Get Left . think about it,
and then LET IT GO!!!

"The Battle is the Lord's!"

During the next 60 seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take this
opportunity. Literally it is ! only One minute!) All you have to do is
the following:


You simply say "The Lords Prayer" for the person that sent you this
message:



The Lords Prayer



Our Father, who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom Come,
Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our
daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who
trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever.

Amen.


Next, stop and think and appreciate God's power in your life, for doing
what you know is pleasing to Him.
If you are not ashamed to do this, follow the instructions! Jesus said,

"If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before My Father"
if you are not ashamed, send this message...only if you believe.

"Yes, I love my God. He is my fountain of Life and My Savior. He Keeps
me going day and night. Without Him, I am no one. But with Him, I can
do everything, Christ is my strength." God loves you and watches over you every day.

"Wanting what you've got requires contentment but getting what you want
takes ambition."

Today's Throwback item is *drumroll please* The A-Team TV Series. Please try not to look so disappointed. I don't know about you, but I loved the A-Team. My favorite was Hannibal (the silver-haired, cigar-smoking, leather-glove-wearing [even in the summertime] leader). Mr. T was OK, but he was just a tad scary. Did he REALLY need to have 10 lbs. of gold around his neck? For the not-so-hardcore fans: Murdock was the schizophrenic and Face (aka "Templeton Peck") was the pretty boy.

Seriously though, what was up with Hannibal wearing the gloves ALL the time? I don't think they ever showed his hands. In any case, the highlight of every show was when the A-Team made those spur-of-the-moment projects. It was like 5 McGuyvers.

"I love it when a plan comes together".

I finally met some Black people at work. Woo hoo! There are 3 females who seem to be around my age. All 3 have been here for a while (one year or more). So that makes me the "new kid". I'm learning that making friends at work is more difficult than making friends at school. School is inherently social; but people don't come to work to make friends. I can't say I blame them. If I were from the area and knew people out here, I probably wouldn't care either. Since I'm not, I'm trying to get to know some folks and maybe have people to hang out with (that whole new year's vow to be more social). The question is how to accomplish this without seeming desperate? I guess time will tell.

I drove all the way back to PA by myself and didn't get lost :-D. I'm feeling rather proud of myself. Could it have been any colder outside this morning? I thought I was going to lose my fingers due to frostbite (and that was WITH the heat on in the car). I love when the work week is shortened. :-)

Let's play a game: if your job was an island like the one on the show "Survivor", which one of your co-workers would you vote off first? Although it's a close call for me, I think that in the first week I'd have to get rid of a co-worker named "Roberta".

On the surface, Roberta seems like a very nice person. However, I've noticed that she has some "unsavory" characteristics. So I'd have to let her go.

The first day I got here, my computer was not set up. Tech support was supposed to come up and do it, but I got impatient and decided to do it myself. Roberta comes along and sees the computer connected. She asked if I had access to network mail and I said no, it didn't seem like it. She sat at my workstation and scrolled through the menu options. At that point, our boss passed by and said "hey...you got a computer!" Before I can respond, Roberta jumps in and says "yeah, it was here and I set it up." ARGH! That was supposed to be my first chance to show our boss that I was a "take-charge" type of person who wouldn't wait around for things to happen. And Roberta stole my thunder. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? That's right. Female dog.

Over the course of the next couple weeks, similar incidents occurred. Roberta had a project to do and she handily passed it off to me--- knowing that I had no clue what it was about, and also knowing that it involved reading through a huge manual that everyone hated. I couldn't say no. She was "in charge" while our boss was on vacation. I completed the task to the best of my ability, but there was one issue that couldn't be resolved. I highlighted the issue and gave it back to her, but she kept pushing it back on me: "why don't you ask John about that?" *sigh* So I asked John and he didn't know. He suggested that I call Janet in another department and ask her. Janet was out for the day and when she got back, she said she wasn't sure, so I should call Henry in Chicago and ask him. I told Roberta of this runaround and she suggested that I keep following up. Curses!

Of course there have also been the times when Roberta knew I was trying to leave to catch my train and 5 minutes before I have to leave, she comes at me with some "urgent" matter that needs to be addressed right then and there. So I miss the train and have to wait 25 minutes for the next one.

For these reasons and more, Roberta--- "you're fired!" Oh, my bad. Wrong show. Roberta is voted off the island.

Monday is MLK, Jr. day. So far, I haven't really heard too much about "honoring the memory of Dr. King". But I've definitely heard alot of "Yeah! No school/work on Monday". Don't get me wrong, I'm glad for the day off as well, but with each passing year, I feel like we're moving farther away from recognition of Dr. King's sacrifices... kind of like what happened with Memorial Day. It started off as a day to remember fallen soldiers. Now there's all kinds of Memorial Day sales and cookouts and people say "happy memorial day!" Say WHAT?! I think the first problem is that we call these things "holidays". Holidays are generally thought of as festive occasions, not days of mourning. Thanksgiving is a holiday. Christmas and Easter are Holidays. Valentine's Day is a holiday, but Memorial Day, MLK, Jr. day, etc. should be called "days of rememberance" or something like that.

Ha ha. I think that was a cute title (if I do say so myself). 5 points for you if you know what nursery rhyme it came from. I'm home in NYC! It's amazing how you can fight so hard to get out of a place and then miss it terribly. *Sigh* Of course I had to pick the rainiest day to attempt my first solo drive from PA to NY, and the car was so foggy I couldn't see at times, but God is good and I'm home safely. Yippee! Too bad it's going to be freezing cold this weekend. :-(

In light of the overwhelming number of suggestions about a weekly segment to replace Fashion Friday (NOT!), I am tentatively creating "Throwback Thursday". Throwback Thursday will pay homage to random items/fads/icons of our youth (or critically examine them).

The first candidate for Throwback Thursday is dedicated to a small, but necessary part of the past. That's right kids, I'm talking about "sporks". Do you remember those? If you ever ate "hot lunch" in your school's cafeteria, chances are, you used a spork. It was a plastic spoon that had 3 or 4 fork tines on the end of it. How come you don't see sporks outside school cafeterias? Why don't adults use them? Why aren't they made of metal? They're pretty useful...and think of how your meals would improve: now you can eat Cup O' Soup and actually get the soup without putting the cup to your head; you can have spaghetti AND the sauce with one utensil--- and the edge doubles as a knife!

I have been so caught up in the mundane atrocities of my own life that I never addressed the devastation that really matters: over 150,000 people died in a tsunami that swept coastal areas of the Indian Ocean.The magnitude of death and damage is mind-numbing. However, the world response in terms of aid and support has been staggering. The U.S. government has pledged over $350 million dollars to help tsunami victims. Private donations from the U.S. (last I heard) have topped $200 million dollars. I am glad that the U.S. has risen to meet the challenge. Yet, as U.N. leader Kofi Anan and others have pointed out, the measure of a nation's generosity is not how it reacts when disaster strikes and everyone is watching; it's what the nation does when the spotlights are off and nobody is keeping track of whether you are helping.

As an article in last week's New York Times pointed out, Africa loses 200,000 people/year to AIDS and simple maladies like diarrhea, malaria, diseases associated with dirty water and malnutrition. Unfortunately, the problems of the African continent remain just that: problems of the African continent, relegated to infomercials and the usual drone "children are starving in Africa".
Hmmmm.

For some time now, I've been thinking about my decision to go to law school and wondering if I did the right thing. "Mental stimulation" and "challenging work" is so overrated. I once heard the job search process described in this way: "Looking for a job is like praying for someone to kick you in the ass repeatedly and then being glad when they agree to do it." --- from the movie "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" I concur.

I spent my entire life trying to avoid math and science. I picked the legal field because it was professional, had money-making potential and didn't require knowledge of math and science. So how did I end up working as a legal specialist in the overbearingly boring, science-oriented field of water quality standards and assessment? Day in and day out, I'm surrounded by trivalent and hexavalent chromium levels and tert-Butyl Alcohol values in "Group C" carcinogens. Huh?

This is a far cry from the society magazine I was hoping to start, the writing I planned to do, the business I intended to open, or even the consumers I wanted to protect while working for the state/federal government.

I think that's the problem: I have too many choices. Right now, I feel like if I have to work for someone else, I should become a teacher. Both of my parents were teachers at some point in their lives and a few of my friends are teachers now. What beats shaping young minds and having summer vacation? If I ever manage to pass the bar, I could probably work as an adjunct professor in a city law school or local college... although I really would like to work with young kids.

I need a vacation--- a few months off from reality just to regroup. I need to sit at home (not home with my parents, but my own place) and do nothing but watch TV, read and work out like a psycho for 2 months. Then I'll travel for a month. After that I'd spend 2 months working on that magazine. I'd do some more traveling for about 3 weeks and come back and pitch the magazine. If it didn't work out, I'd explore the rest of the ideas on my list...that should take another 3 months. And only then, if everything has flopped...I would pick up the paper and search for a 9-5, content with the knowledge that I'm well-rested, and I've done everything I wanted to do.

The problem is that I can't feel comfortable taking that kind of time off from life...especially without a sizeable amount of money saved up. Then there's the fact that although I like travel, I'm the corny kind of person that needs to have someone with me. Vacations (like movies, dinner and museums) just seem really boring if you can't turn to someone and say "hey...did you see that?! Wasn't that great?" or "why don't you try the bisque and I'll have the chicken? Then we can share."

So I'm back to the water quality standards. Next time you open that bottle of poland spring, remember that the head of a disgruntled female imploded so that you can have clean water to drink.

I never did quite discuss the "madness" of yesterday did I? Well, in keeping with my New Year's Resolution not to deal with stupid men, I had to make my first official cut of 2005.

4 and a half years ago, I met someone that I thought was really attractive (physically). We'll call him Damon. Damon was 25 years old, lived in Long Island with his parents and he was an aspiring producer with his own in-home studio. He was 24 credits shy of his B.S. in computer science and he was pursuing a pilot's license. Not bad, I could work with that. Problem? Damon was a "fresh" young man and I suspected he wanted to "hit and run". The suspicion was confirmed through certain overt acts which transpired on our second date. That was in 2001.

I was pretty disgusted by that date and I decided to put some distance between us by getting on with my life. Sure he apologized, but I was too through. When I'd had a boyfriend, he said he was hurt that I picked somebody else instead of him. (Yada yada yada). When that relationship ended, he came back again. I managed to put him off until mid-late 2004.

I guess I must have been getting bored/lonely/(dare I say desperate?) because somehow or another, I found myself entertaining the thought of going out with him again. After all...it had been 3 years. And he was the only person who had really persisted after all that time. Surely, I could at least give him another chance. Problem? He's now almost 30 and still living in Long Island with his parents, still an aspiring producer, still 24 credits shy of his B.S., never went back to do the hours for the pilot's license, smokes weed and cigarettes (but swears he can quit anytime), occasionally drives after drinking (but claims it's only a little bit and it doesn't affect him), and is in debt up to his eyeballs. Bigger problem? He has so much potential and is soooo much smarter than all that but he still insists on this childish behavior.

I am embarassed to say that for a moment, yours truly had a lapse of judgment and fluctuated between "I can change him" and "I can accept him as he is". He has a good heart and he's cute....but that's all he has. So after an hour of yelling, cursing, name-calling and sarcastic concessions all around, I bid him farewell.

I wanted to keep him around on the off chance that: maybe he'd clean up his act eventually OR maybe someday, when I'm approaching 40, single and can count my eggs on one hand, his lack of productivity won't seem so important. And secretly, I liked the attention. But it's over.

Yesterday I did an obscene amount of procrastinating. I found a Blockbuster near my place of residence and I rented 3 things: In Living Color Season 2 Vol. 3, A Knight's Tale (w/Heath Ledger) and The Good Girl with Jennifer Aniston. I also (courtesy of Ebay and Wal-Mart) purchased Kiss the Girls (Ashley Judd & Morgan Freeman), Boys Don't Cry (Hillary Swank), The Golden Child (Eddie Murphy), Ronin (Robert DeNiro) and La Bamba (Lou Diamond Phillips). I need to make some friends in this area or something. This movie thing is getting out of control.

Nonetheless, I watched all three rentals as well as Boys Don't Cry. In Living Color was hilarious. Season 2 seems better than Season 1 from what I've seen. I might have to add that to my collection :-).

Boys Don't Cry was a CRAZY flick. It's definitely not for the queasy or faint of heart. The movie is based on the true story of Teena Brandon, a lesbian from Nebraska who cut off her hair and lived part of her life as a male named Brandon Teena. Yes, there are some lesbian scenes going on in that movie, but gay or not, I think that every female needs to see it and (especially if you're a heterosexual female) make sure that you don't get "fooled" by a lesbian female masquerading as a male.

A Knight's Tale was a nice movie. It had romance, action, comedy and all that good stuff; not to mention the fact that Heath Ledger is a cutie :-). There was one problem with the movie though: A Knight's Tale is supposed to be about knights and jousting in medieval times, but the music and some parts of the script threw off the whole feel of the time period. I don't think that medieval crowds used to chant "we will rock you" at swordfights; nor did they dance to anything that sounded like it came from "jock jams". If that kind of thing REALLY bothers you, then maybe you should skip the movie.

The Good Girl was another disturbing but excellent film (I give it 2 snaps up!). No, there wasn't any homosexuality (whew). I think it shows the extreme aftermath of women who "settle" into relationships (a rude awakening about my current situation). It was a simple but poignant flick. I will be adding it to the collection.

In case you hadn't noticed, Friday Fashion has been suspended for a while. I used to be inspired by the individuality of NYC residents; even if they looked stupid, at least they were bold enough to go out in public with their outfits. Unfortunately, Trenton does not yield the same opportunities. The city is one big, uniform, fashion crisis. Everyone looks collectively beat down.

Let's talk about women's hairstyles in Trenton. Wow. Hello....have you ever heard of Pink Lotion? How about shampoo to wash out the 900 lbs of gel in your hair? This is weave city I tell ya...and not fashionable weaves either. Whew. So I'm gonna leave it alone. I'm trying to think of another weekly segment I can do. Suggestions are welcome

Wal-Mart is a wonderful place. Why isn't there one in NYC? You can buy a gun (yes, I said gun) and hunting accessories in the same place as your cough syrup, electronics and cereal. Why shop anywhere else? Well...they don't sell meat/produce....minor details. Go check out your local Wal-Mart today (that is, if you don't think it's an evil corporation that eliminates "mom 'n' pop" shops)

The Real World is a crazy place (and I don't mean the TV show). I was listening to Star & Bucwild on my way to work (even though I don't like Star) and I heard them discussing the acquittal of a boy (or group of boys) who had beat a black youth while yelling "I'm gonna kill you nigga/er". I didn't get all the details, but apparently, the boy(s) were not found guilty of a hate crime because "nigga/er" wasn't considered a racial slur.

Say WHAT?! What a sad day this is for Black America. But you know what, we got what we wanted. For the past decade or so music, media and Black youth have glorified the "n-word", proclaiming it a term of endearment instead of the racial epithet that it has been historically. People of all backgrounds bandied the term about; even Asian people called each other "nigga". But as I've always said, if the meaning of the word really changed, then we wouldn't be so offended when other people use it to refer to us. I am willing to bet that 95% of Black folks who see "nigga" as a term of endearment are offended (to say the least) when a non-Black person refers to them by the same term. Case in point: a few years ago, J.Lo used the term in one of her songs. There was no shortage of angry people calling radio stations to berate her.

The crazy thing is that other ethnicities/persecuted groups (with the exception of homosexuals, who seem to have made peace with the term "queer") do not embrace their oppressive monikers. Jews, Italians, Irish and Asian people still get offended by their respective racial slurs. Where a Jewish person will run to the police at the slightest hint of a Swastika, Black youth proudly refer to themselves as niggas. Go figure.

The judicial system is (theoretically) blind to race. Although inequities are still common in practice, I think it would be just plain foolish for a Black person to expect the system to penalize non-Black people who use the term "nigga/nigger". Any court that remotely considers society in its decisions (at least 95% of them) will always include some liberal language to the tune of "we look to evolving societal norms and conductin rendering this opinion". In this case, evoloving norms dictate that "nigga" is a term of endearment. So you can be beaten to a bloody pulp while called a "nigga" and the perpetrator will get a lesser sentence because use of the word "nigga" does not prove the requisite element for a hate crime.

...and the messed up thing is we did it to ourselves. I guess we might as well just invest in the shackles now because at this rate, slavery is just around the bend.

This year I made a few resolutions. Here they are:

1. Read the entire Bible (I have yet to do this...this is the 2nd year it's on the list. I made it about halfway last year...then the devil took over.)

2. Don't deal with stupid men. Stated another way: "Don't make anyone a priority if I am merely an option to them." I think I've always known this, but somehow I got sucked into situations that I could have avoided if I truly followed this theory. It starts in the early stages of meeting someone. Don't make excuses for them if they don't fulfill their promises. Recognize their inaction/inattentiveness for the red flag that it is and move on!

3. Write at least one business plan. I think this will be the magazine. I've been talking about it since I was 17. Time to make it happen.

4. Get in prime shape physically. I have been up and down like Luther Vandross with the weight thing. This year I'll be 25. I will finally have money thanks to this job. The least I can do is hire a personal trainer, eat properly and reveal my "inner fox" to the world. If nothing else, at least I'll have good memories when I'm old.

5. Pass the bar or give it up and find another hustle. I am planning to pass the bar next month (I'm only taking NY this time)...but on the off chance that it doesn't happen, I'm giving myself one more try in July. After that, it's curtains on this bar business. I will have to take over the world some other way.

6. Become more socially active--Hang out at least 2 Fridays/Saturdays per month. It only makes sense, right? Why work out and then stay at home? I will have my own place, my own hooptie and some money in my pockets. The weather will be nice. Philly's not too far away. Might as well get out. I can't stay at home and watch the 4 walls every single day. "Hanging out" also includes chillin with friends in NYC or having them come stay with me in PA.

Hello there.....I know you had given me up for dead, and I almost was after the move (*wink*) but I'm back! I will have some new posts tomorrow so that you can get back in the loop. In the meantime. Nappy New Year! No, it wasn't a typo. I borrowed the phrase from a friend. (Thanks Romeo). Now get some popcorn, 'cause the next couple days will have alot to read. See you tomorrow.

OK OK, I know I said this was gonna be about church, but I think today's rant will be a little more interesting.

Remember sometime back in November (around Nov 7th), I met a guy and (in a nutshell) he seemed really cool, but I was too nervous to have an intelligent convo? If you don't remember check the archives. Anyway...to make a long story short, he called me on December 27th. Here's how that went:

Him: Hello, can I speak to Roseann?
Me: This is Roseann
Him: Hi! This is Robert.
Me: (quiet...thinking) Robert who?
Him: Hmmm. This is kinda weird....ummm, we met in the street. I know it's been a while...you were passing by and---
Me: Oh right... right! (Silence)
Him: Did I catch you at a bad time?
Me: Yeah...I'm doing something right now.
Him: So what would be a good time to call you?
Me: I should be done around 10pm.
Him: Cool. I'll give you a call later.[END]

Now, there are varying opinions on that convo. Some friends (male) say that I was wrong for telling him I was busy and that I should have encouraged him a little aka who cares if he took almost 2 months to call, the fact is that at least he called. Yours truly abhors that logic. If I wasn't on his agenda for the past 2 months, then why should I make him a priority because he DECIDES to call? And I wasn't even trying to play the game at that point. I really didn't remember who he was, and I really was in the process of doing something.

To make things even stranger....he didn't call back that night as he implied (and arguably stated) that he would; nor did he call back the next day. The male faction believes that I wounded his ego by saying I was busy and he wasn't going to make the effort to call. I say: if he was really interested he wouldn't have waited 2 months, and even if he had a real excuse for not calling in all that time, he should have called back within 48 hours.

It was the end of the year and I had already cleaned out my phone book. I was trying to "tie up the loose ends" and Robert had already been tied off. The fact that he reappeared out of nowhere threw my plans off. I didn't want him to reappear out of nowhere in 2005, so on Dec 29th I called him back.

I won't give the play-by-play, but the bottom line is: I told him that I moved out of NY, he didn't apologize (or even acknowledge) the fact that he was supposed to call previously, he asked if we could get together sometime and I was very vague and nonchalant about the whole thing, and when asked why he called after all that time, he tried to make it seem like he had called prior to Dec 27th but I had put him off. Lies! Wow. What a loser. Definitely a mouse. That kind of stupidity earned him a one-way, all expenses paid trip to the "Do Not Answer" list in my cell phone.

I've been at work for about 3 weeks now. I try to take at least one walk through the neighborhood each day to keep my legs active, and check out the deals at Rite-Aid. Each day reveals something new and different, and possibly a little scarier than the day before. Mr. Rogers would never have picked Trenton to do "who are the people in your neighborhood?" but I will tell you about the people (and events/happenings) of my neighborhood.

There's a Dunkin' Donuts a few blocks up from my job. Once/week I go there and buy TWO "munchkins"/Donut holes. I figure that munchkins will do less damage than full fledged donuts and they're cheaper, so I will limit myself to 2 as I walk through the area. There's a nice guy in there who gives them to me for free.

There is no Starbucks in my neighborhood. I think they need one....but maybe Starbucks is a bougie NYC concept and people out here aren't that into coffee.
There is a Planned Parenthood on my block. It looks kinda shabby from the outside. That's all I can say about it.

There is a constant supply of ghetto folks within 2 blocks from my office...apparently they come from or are affiliated with the local community college in that area. I think there's a problem with dentistry in the area, because people have such horrible teeth (if they have teeth at all). I guess the whitening obsession in NYC is an outgrowth of the fact that alot of modeling/finance/industries where looks matter---are housed in NYC. Apparently, Trenton hasn't gotten the memo.

Today as I walked up the block, a man tried to sell me some gold jewelry that he had in his coat. That's something you see in the movies, or on the streets of Manhattan at night. Who tries to sell bootleg/stolen jewelry 3 blocks away from the courthouse and state buildings, 2 blocks away from City Hall....in broad daylight?! Gangsta.

A "homeless" guy always stands at the corner of S.Broad Street asking for money. He is a decent-looking Black guy in seemingly good shape. He doesn't smell at all. Maybe I've been spoiled by the homeless people in NYC--- in NYC, the homeless people who beg on the trains really DO seem homeless. They smell, they're dirty, they have visible infirmities, they have a multitude of bags--- sometimes all of the above. When I worked at a soup kitchen, I saw people in terrible condition who were still hustling. This guy looks like he's on lunch break from a job trying to collect change. Maybe next time I'll ask him if he wants help finding a job.

The men and women. The men are really men...and some of the women are too. :-O. What I mean is: the guys seem real tough and the women do too. I was walking behind 2 girls today (probably early 20s) and but for their tight jeans and semi-high voices, you wouldn't know they were women. "Yeah son, I'd f--- that b---- up. How she gonna be out here with these nig--- trying to talk sh--..." Don't get me wrong....there's plenty of that in NYC too...but #1- alot of it is just talk. #2- there's still some semblance of womanhood in the people who say it and #3- (unless I'm too far removed from 'hood') that kind of thing is the rule and not the exception. Case in point: I passed by a group of guys today on my way back to the office. I was wearing pants (from a pant suit), a sweater, shoes and a wool pea coat. As I passed by, one guy said to another "...she must be one of those city girls. She's too pretty to be from around here. Son, not even jeans. Pants." Wow....they must be deprived. I'm so regular in NYC it's not even funny. Too bad they all looked like hardened criminals.

I guess that's all for today's neighborhood tour. Tune in next time for when I discuss my first church experience at a Catholic church in PA.

So yesterday I was talking about Michael--- the guy who hit on me despite the fact that he comes across as a gay male. I had concluded that Michael was gay and looking for a friend to hang out with but, since I gave my word, I decided to call him.

I called him that night and he wasn't around. When he called me back, he told me that he just got in from rehearsal (I was thinking some kind of Cabaret, but he said it was gospel choir--- my bad). So then he says "wow, I'm so glad that you called. You keep your word. I really like that." I'm pretty quiet up to this point. Just taking it all in. Then he says "well, Roseann, I just want you to know that I'm interested in getting to know you. I don't know if you have a boyfriend or anything, but from the little bit of time we've spoken, I can tell that you're a good person to know. So...if you have any time, maybe I can take you out for dinner or lunch, coffe.....something." At this point, my mind is racing because I have never been too good at flat out rejection (unless the person is disrespectful). Michael was very polite...he just seems very gay. So how to say "no" without saying "no, I think you're gay."? He already knew I was single. Hmmm.

I shifted gears and asked him how old he was. "37" he said. Jackpot! 37 is lightyears out of my dating range. I told him that I was 24 and 37 was a bit too old for me. He was unphased. "Would it be better if I was 24?" he asked. I said "actually...yeah it would have been." He replied "well...I can be 24 if you want me to be." I asked him why he was still single and he said he just hadn't met the right one. 37, no kids, no girlfriend or wife....but very strong gay vibe. Well, not my problem. I politely declined. He tried to get me to commit to coming to see or calling him, but I remained non-committal as I raced off the phone.

I recounted the events to a friend of mine and we got into a discussion about whether my rejection was about money: "would you really talk to a security guard?". For some reason, I tend to attract military/law enforcement/security personnel. I have no clue why. Sure I'd talk to a security guard....if he's in the 23-30 age range and doing it as a way to make money while he does something else. But at 37, the guy needed to be an account manager or an officer in the bank or SOMETHING. Go on. Say it. You think I'm "bougie". Fine....I'll be that.

I apologize if the dates seem disorganized. Now on with the show:

Monday 1/03/05

Straight or not?
Yay! (or "yeah!" depending on how anal you are about spelling. This is the first substantive post of 2005. Long live procrastination!

Today I was hit on by an apparently gay male. I know what you're thinking "why would he hit on you if he was gay?" Friends, I wondered the same thing. Here's how it happened:

I went to the local bank to open an account. *Side note- Commerce Bank is open 24/7. Pretty cool. Too bad their interest rates suck.* There were three female tellers, all Black women. The security guard was a black male. I told one of the tellers that I wanted to open an account and she told me to have a seat. As I was waiting, the security guard (we'll call him "Michael") walks over to me and asks if anyone knew that I was waiting. He goes over to one of the account managers and tells them that I'm waiting. I thanked him and resumed my reading of "Commerce Accounts". He proceeded to strike up a conversation. I noticed that he wasn't "ghetto" like so many of the Black men I'd seen in Trenton. Although I wasn't particularly attracted to him (he gave off a gay vibe and was a little too thin for me), he seemed like a decent person and I really didn't expect to have a long wait, so I obliged. Why did he seem gay? I don't know too many heterosexual men who wear colored contacts. His natural eye color was some shade of brown, but he was wearing these contacts that made his eyes look gray. Strike One. Then, there were his mannerisms.....lots of gesticulation in the stereotypical gay manner. Strike Two. Lastly, there was the way he spoke. I would love to do an impersonation for you, but alas, it's not possible. Take my word for it: he had the speech pattern of a stereotypical gay male. Now, this is not to say that I have a problem with homosexual men. The problem is when they seem like they are trying to flirt with me.

That's the problem with being new to the area. You don't know who's who and it gets boring/lonely not having anyone to talk to or anything to do. Had this occurred in NYC, I might have just ignored him....but since I thought he was gay, I entertained the convo.
FINALLY, the account manager called me. As I'm on my way over, Michael says "make sure you stop by on your way out." Of course, when I'm on my way out, he's standing right in front the door, so I couldn't avoid him. He gives me a slip of paper with his #s and the words "call me anytime", and he says "are you going to call? I like your aura. Have a blessed day!" (I like your 'aura'?! What straight man says that?!) That removed any doubts I may have had about his sexuality. But at least he wasn't scared to say "have a blessed day". I agreed to call--- "hey, he's gay. He must just be friendly" I thought.

*Whew this is long. I'll finish tomorrow.