Lifestyles of the poor and nameless

I never did quite discuss the "madness" of yesterday did I? Well, in keeping with my New Year's Resolution not to deal with stupid men, I had to make my first official cut of 2005.

4 and a half years ago, I met someone that I thought was really attractive (physically). We'll call him Damon. Damon was 25 years old, lived in Long Island with his parents and he was an aspiring producer with his own in-home studio. He was 24 credits shy of his B.S. in computer science and he was pursuing a pilot's license. Not bad, I could work with that. Problem? Damon was a "fresh" young man and I suspected he wanted to "hit and run". The suspicion was confirmed through certain overt acts which transpired on our second date. That was in 2001.

I was pretty disgusted by that date and I decided to put some distance between us by getting on with my life. Sure he apologized, but I was too through. When I'd had a boyfriend, he said he was hurt that I picked somebody else instead of him. (Yada yada yada). When that relationship ended, he came back again. I managed to put him off until mid-late 2004.

I guess I must have been getting bored/lonely/(dare I say desperate?) because somehow or another, I found myself entertaining the thought of going out with him again. After all...it had been 3 years. And he was the only person who had really persisted after all that time. Surely, I could at least give him another chance. Problem? He's now almost 30 and still living in Long Island with his parents, still an aspiring producer, still 24 credits shy of his B.S., never went back to do the hours for the pilot's license, smokes weed and cigarettes (but swears he can quit anytime), occasionally drives after drinking (but claims it's only a little bit and it doesn't affect him), and is in debt up to his eyeballs. Bigger problem? He has so much potential and is soooo much smarter than all that but he still insists on this childish behavior.

I am embarassed to say that for a moment, yours truly had a lapse of judgment and fluctuated between "I can change him" and "I can accept him as he is". He has a good heart and he's cute....but that's all he has. So after an hour of yelling, cursing, name-calling and sarcastic concessions all around, I bid him farewell.

I wanted to keep him around on the off chance that: maybe he'd clean up his act eventually OR maybe someday, when I'm approaching 40, single and can count my eggs on one hand, his lack of productivity won't seem so important. And secretly, I liked the attention. But it's over.