Lifestyles of the poor and nameless

OK, so I think we've had enough melodrama for a TV movie during the past few posts. Time to lighten up. For inspiration, I turned to Wendy Williams ("Wendy's got the heat"). This might get "racy" for some of you, so my easy-queasy readers may want to skip this one.
During a recent show's advice segment, she received a letter from a woman who had responded to an ad for foot fetish party models. Since one of Wendy's radio entourage frequents these parties, the writer wanted to know what happens at these parties, and what makes "a pretty foot".

Since I hate my feet, I was curious to hear. Wendy's compadre, Sam (who is a Black man, by the way), said that there are no Black women as models at these parties because the stark contrast between the color of the sole of the foot and the hue of a Black woman's skin is not considered attractive. White women, whose soles almost match their skin are therefore much more attractive for this purpose.....hmmm.

Next was the arch. The better the arch, the more attractive the foot. Apparently women get paid $20 for 10-minute "foot jobs" and the arch is essential. Personally, I find this to be kind of weird. If a man wants a "foot job", what's to stop him from wanting to get rubbed by a monkey? I mean really--- human feet, monkey hands....same idea.

Anyway, several other things were mentioned: absolutely no corns, bunions or hair of any kind. The middle toe must not be longer than the big toe (although I heard that if your middle toe is longer than your big toe, then it's a sign that you're a "free-thinker"/natural leader), the big toe must be large, round and bulbous, and if you're over a size 7.5-8 then your feet are too big to be cute. If your soles are soft,somewhat pink and wrinkly--- in addition to everything else--- then you are a prime candidate.

Oh, and if you want to be a foot model at one of these parties, it doesn't mean that you get to have the face of a troll either. You have to be the "total package".

Now what I want to know is....with all these people running around in stilettos and pointy-toed elf shoes, how are people maintaining? Am I the only ungraceful elephant who hates high shoes? I wore heels daily for the first 2 weeks of work, and I got a fat blister on the bottom of my toe. Thereafter, my feet went on strike and I am back to flats. I keep the heels in my bag in case there's a meeting or something. And yes, I revel in casual Fridays when I get to wear jeans and sneakers to work.

The joy of being a woman is NOT in wearing shoes so tight and uncomfortable that they cut off your circulation. Why don't we just re-instate Chinese foot-binding while we're at it?