Lifestyles of the poor and nameless

Hmmm...so I read the comments on yesterday's post, and must give a shout out to Torren for helping to put things in perspective. Unfortunately, I didn't get to read the comments until after the workday was over.

My friend (I'll call her Reba) made arrangements to deliver the certificate to the object of my interest today. She starts giggling about how he invited her to lunch, but he's not her type. I knew that he wasn't her type....knew it all along, but does that mean that he wouldn't try to talk to her? 'Course not. So I sighed internally and put the stupid grin back on my face as she went into her spiel. I didn't look at her, I just listened and nodded appropriately, subtly trying to change the subject. For a minute, I was tempted to think she was doing it on purpose.

What's that phrase again? Relax, relate, release? So I decided to not even be bothered. I know, you think "sloppy seconds" is a retarded notion since she wasn't dating him....but I can't let it go. I guess it's too much pride on my part.....like "well, he's not my type, so even though he asked me out, I'll let you have him." Blah.

Yeah, I know...I was being somewhat shy/anti-social. I can't help it. I get nervous. I made my pathetic attempt at communication at the staff meeting, and I had the whole certificate scenario planned out....I was just too quiet, and Reba was around.

But you know what? I don't care anymore. I've got other things to focus on....like the job search. Argh! Vacation? Still undecided.

About a month ago, the Black interest group at my job was doing a community outreach event fot the local youth. Out of the corner of my eye, I spied a guy...I noticed him noticing me...but I'm shy and corny, so I kinda avoided him. Yes, I need "Flirting 101". Then he left the event early and I wished that I had gotten a chance to talk to him. *Sigh*

About 2 hours later, he came back.....he was dressed up this time. Turns out, he'd left to go to a church event and came back to finish helping us out. I wanted to make some comment, but words failed me. One of my co-workers quickly pulled him away to help out with something. Next thing you know, he's leaving the event. I kicked myself because I should have said something. :-(.

Today, I'm sitting around at a staff meeting, and who walks in? :-O. And guess who sat next to me? :-D. I started to say some mundane thing, but the person sitting next to him, thought I was talking to him....and since it was a general comment, I couldn't really say "well, actually, I wasn't talking to you." Grrr. Then he leaves the meeting early.

But fear not. Opportunity presented itself yet again. After the meeting, a coworker asked my friend and I to help her distribute certificates to some of the staff. Guess who had a certificate? That's right. So I would have personally delivered it...until my friend pipes up and is like "Oh, I'll give it to him. I spoke to him before." Dammit. I could have knocked her out.

She's a flirt, she can't help it. She's five feet tall (if that), cute as a button, sweeter than sugar, with an adorable slightly southern accent. Grrrr. What's not to love? I didn't want to say that I was interested in the guy and wanted to use the certificate to "break the ice"...so I let it go. @#$^%!. *Sigh*

This is typical of how it goes at work...I see a guy, spend all this time trying to figure out who he is and how I can be "strategically placed" to talk to him...next thing you know, she's telling me that the guy tried to talk to her, and do I want to hang out with them for lunch? And in her sweet, well-intentioned way, she'll say "he seems like just your type. You want me to hook it up?" No! No sloppy seconds, thank you.

Said friend has invited me to go on vacation to the Bahamas with her in September. I'm tempted to go, because I need a vacation, and my travel buddy options are limited....but then again, I don't want to be "the ugly friend". You know what I'm talking about. I'm not a troll, but I definitely feel like a huge, lumbering beast when I'm hanging around her. I'm relatively tall and so are most of my friends. She's petite, and so are most of her friends....I feel like Dorothy in Munchkin Land around them. What to do? What to do?

I know I'm a little early for the "2/3 of the year" mark, but I started my new year's resolution check-in. Here's where I measure up against my resolutions:

1. Get in shape: I was doing well for a while...working out about 5 days/week. I lost a size. But then I got tired of my gym. There's only 3 treadmills there---one of them is for walking only, and one of them is broken. There are no classes, and I need classes to break the monotony of the one treadmill. It's mostly middle-aged white men and Black men who only date white women at the gym; I'm often the only female in there. So I've got no friends there (aside from the 16 year old boy and 39 year old man who tried to talk to me----and I hide from them). Now that all the excuses are out, I guess I need to buckle down and get back to the business of working out. Theoretically, I could lose 24 lbs by the next check in, but I'll say 20 is my minimum goal for December.

2. Become more spiritual: I am happy to say that this is progressing nicely. I haven't been doing any Bible-reading, but I've definitely been praying more, and I don't feel as "lost" as I did at the beginning of the year. JC and I are back on speaking terms. Hopefully, by the end ofthe year, I'll be on top of the Bible readings and all that, and I'm definitely looking forward to being able to pass along blessings. That's right y'all....Jesus is my homeboy.

3. Become more social: At the last check-in in April, I was struggling because I didn't have a hairdresser out here. Well, I still don't have a hairdresser, so I go back to NYC and get my hair done. I'll alternate between the Afro-Perm ponytail and theI-just-got-my-hair-done-but-humidity-jacked-it-up look. Hair is a staple for social activity. The best outfit won't help much if you are walking around with Diana Ross hair all the time. It's gotta be all or nothing.I still don't have a car, and I still hate the bus schedule, so yes, I am a hermit. I'm not too sure what, if anything I will do about this.

4. Get rid of stupid men: I can't say that I am holding on to any stupid men. I have quite a few from back in the day who reappear at times, but that's mostly their effort. I don't reach out to them *usually*. It is just enough excitement to pass the time, but not so much that I am emotionally drained.

5. Pass the bar by 2005 or find a new hustle: Woo Hoo. Thank God I passed the NY February bar. I may or may not take the NJ bar next year,but either way, I'm an attorney :-D.

6. Develop at least one business plan before the end of the year: I haven't worked on the biz plan for my magazine since April, although Iam doing research for it here and there. My book on law school is mostly finished but some research has to be done. I'm spending most of my time researching real estate investment. I recently got a financial planner to help maximize my pennies. So I'm active, but not focused....gotta work on that.

All in all, I've made some progress but I still have a way to go if I plan to meet these resolutions.*Sigh* I'll check in again in December.

I was watching a movie on my computer, when suddenly I got the following IM from a "net buddy": "Just got back from the movies". Call me old-fashioned but I thought it was pretty rude of him to just jump right into conversation like that. We aren't friends in real life, and I wouldn't call him a friend online either....just someone I chat with from time to time.

I suppose the proper thing for me to say was "can't talk now, I'm busy". But since he didn't feel pleasantries were necessary, neither did I. I responded with "congrats". He took offense to that because he thought I was being rude. I'll admit that my sarcasm can be misplaced at times, but it really seemed like a logical response. "Just got back from the movies" didn't seem to invite dialogue...it seemed like an announcement of a minor accomplishment. So the natural response: "congrats". It's not like we were talking before and he was giving me an update. It came out of nowhere. He said I was being ridiculous to expect him to formally address me with "hello" or something like that everytime. Call me crazy then, because that's how I do things. If we're friends and I know a person won't mind the intrusion, or I need to communicate something quickly, then I'll skip the intro. If I don't really know you, I won't make any assumptions.

I think we need a book on IM protocol. And please tell people that it's not OK to address a person as "what up ma" when they send you an IM for the first time.

And now....the conclusion of "Throwback". If you've missed the background, check out Part 1 and Part 2.

Today, I was at my desk, wishing the day would go by faster when my cell phone rang. I saw an area code I didn't recognize and figured I should answer. It could be American Express or something. All I heard was "Hey, how are you?" and I didn't recognize the voice. "This is Ray..." In the back of my mind, I knew it was him, but I couldn't believe it was, so I said "Ray who?". I could detect the impatience in his voice as he said "Ray L...you talk to my mom and sister all the time." 100 sarcastic remarks came to mind. I should have hung up the phone for shock value. Instead I settled on something benign like "Oh, OK."

I will admit, I was curious. I figured he had some kind of legal trouble, but did he really have the gall to look me up after 3 years to get a legal opinion? I decided to let him do the talking and see where he went. He took the scenic route: "I'm sorry it took me a while to get back to you."

I wanted to throw the phone. Mofo, you don't contact me for years, and then say "I'm sorry it took me a while to get back to you"?!! That's something you say when you're a few days/weeks, maybe even months late. I fought to restrain myself. If I spoke, I would curse, so I kept quiet.

"Mom told me you passed the bar. I'm proud of you...you're doing your thing. You got the gift, girl. I knew you could do it." Gag me with a spoon! "So when are you taking a vacation? You should come down to FL sometime (he and his parents had recently relocated to FL). Come hang out and work on your tan." As I fought back the bile that billowed in my throat, I gave a fake laugh and said "yeah, I don't know about vacation. Got work to do."

I asked no questions and he rambled on a little about how he's got some "financial advisor" position, but doesn't know if he wants to keep it. Eventually, the pièce de résistance:

"Hey, I wanted to ask you a question...I signed this contract and now these people are trying to collect more money on it....is that legal? I asked this other attorney about it, but I wasn't sure. I figured I should ask someone I could trust." Wow...I'm a real sucker huh? After all that crap, he still felt he could trust me? I should have sold him up the river just for laughs.

So I answered his legal question. He thanked me and continued with the small talk "it's good to hear your voice again. I'll probably be coming up to NY next month sometime. Maybe we could hang out." I said nothing. "Well, you have my cell phone number now, so give me a call sometime, OK? and think about coming to FL." I laughed that fake corporate laugh and got off the phone.

I was proud of myself because I hadn't said a single sarcastic thing the entire time. I did the professional thing and provided honest advice and directed him to the proper authorities even though he didn't deserve it. Why didn't I blast him?

Because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that his random actions confused me and it still upset me....even 2.5 years later.

Because even though he didn't realize it, he fulfiled my belief that he would need me before I needed him.

Because he's older now and his hair is thinning and he won't always be pretty...but I'm coming into my own.

Because I'm sure this is not the last I've heard of him...and maybe next time I will slam his ass.

I was looking for a hair dryer online when I happened to come across this product from "Gold N Hot". On one hand, it looks pretty portable...you can dry your hair while you walk down the block. On the other hand, it looks like something from Star Trek. Here it is, for your enjoyment:

I've been reading the "Left Behind" series for the past couple weeks. I don't know if I'm really enjoying them anymore, but I have read 7 books in the series so far. I just want to get on with it.

I went to the local library to pick up installments # 8 and 9. I decided to peruse the shelves to see what else the library had to offer. As I was standing around in the "FIC C" section, a librarian asked "are you looking for anything in particular?" I said "no, I'm just browsing." She quickly ran to the main desk and grabbed a pamphlet, saying "we have a large collection of African American fiction here. Here are some titles you might enjoy."

I already had 2 other books in my hand, and neither of them was "african american fiction". Yes, I was curious to know if E.J. Dickey had a new book out, but daggone it.....just 'cuz I'm black doesn't mean I was there for that. Ugh.

It was almost 9:00pm and since there aren't too many Black folks in town to begin with, I didn't want to catch an attitude and say something like "why do you assume that I'm interested in African American novels?" even though that's what I was thinking. I should have asked her for a treatise by Justice Cardozo just to flip her wig a little. She probably thought she was being helpful, but I didn't feel "helped". I felt stereotyped. Truth is, maybe most of the "folks" in the neighborhood don't go to the library (at least I haven't seen too many in there)...and maybe they only go for the E. Lynn Harris books....but either way, she assumed too much.

What do you do with people who come into your life "every so often"?

Once upon a time, I had a friend named "Hoops". I call him "Hoops" because of the small hoop earring that he used to wear. We were kinda talking on the relationship level for a brief minute, but for our own independent reasons, we never crossed the line. Despite that, Hoops and I were really close at one point. I think we used to spend a minimum of 2 hours on the phone everyday, often talking into the early hours of the morning. Crazy, right? But that's just the kind of connection we had.

Sometime last year, Hoops got involved in a fraternity and started spending almost all of his time doing "frat" things. Well, he pledged, crossed and then practically disappeared. I wish I could say that I just let him go quietly, but because he had become such a good friend, I kept trying to get him back. It felt like a breakup in a way....but we were never even dating. I was slightly bitter about it because I don't let that many people get that close to me...but he did and then he ran away.

Eventually, I stopped calling him. I erased his numbers (even though I had memorized them already) and blocked his emails. If he wanted contact, then he'd have to initiate it...and not just some cheesy email forward either.

Well, the last time I spoke to him was 5 months ago (when I broke my own rule and called him). Oddly enough, he called today. I fought the urge to be sarcastic. It's not that I still cared.....it's just my natural reaction when people I'm close to want to treat friendship like a revolving door. I let him talk, gave my minimal responses and then prepared to get off the phone. He kept the small talk going though. He must have sensed that I wasn't feeling this convo. Next thing you know, he's asking about if he can call later and suggesting that I should feel free to call him. I laughed and told him to have a good day.

I've noticed that when a man decides he's done with a friendship/relationship, it's a wrap. There's nothing the woman can do/say to make him reconsider. When a woman decides she's done, it's like "yeah, sure." Why can't loose ends just remain tied?!

According to that quiz at realage.com, although I'm actually 25 years and 5 months, my real age is 20.8. This is based on lifestyle/health factors. Before you go getting all jealous, let me just explain, that most of my health is attributable to sheer laziness. Yes, since I'm too lazy and impatient to cook, I eat less. I also have more fruits/veggies because they require little to no prep/cooking. Less red meat? Same philosophy. Since I don't have a car, the only thing I "eat out" is Subway sandwiches at lunch time...unless we have an office lunch somewhere. Not having a car, I also tend to ride my bicycle everywhere. If I ate fish and breakfast more often (although not together) and lost some weight, I could have a real age of 19. Woo hoo!

That's right folks. I know we played Survivor recently, but I feel the need to play again. Before I get into it, here's the language you know and love:

Survivor here is the same as the TV show, except I "vote off" people from my life on the basis of the stuff they do...and there's no prize for winning. (Check the archives for more info). And now, without further ado...

In Round 1 of Work edition survivor, I eliminated my incessantly-smoking co-worker. Even then, I resisted the urge to eliminate today's contestant, but I can't fight it anymore. Goodbye Marina, hit the road!

Marina is the secretary at my office. She reminds me of Mimi from The Drew Carey show (a little thinner and minus the mumu outfits). She is middle-aged with very pale skin, and she insists on wearing this funky-colored eye shadow all the time (blue, sea green, even yellow). Combined with her wispy, platinum blonde hair, you can only imagine the sight. However, good people come in all packages, so I did not hold this against her.

After working at my job for about a month, it became apparent that the rest of the staff was not too fond of her. I could tell she wasn't the brightest person, but she seemed nice enough so I didn't understand why they were all trashing her at the office lunch. Our boss is constantly yelling (yes, yelling....at levels that can be heard down the hall) at her for something or other, and generally the boss treats her like crap. I know that secretaries are there to copy your papers and fax stuff for you, but it always seemed obnoxious for our boss to say: don't copy those papers. Let Marina do it tomorrow. So even when I have big jobs, I'd just copy the stuff myself.

Maybe I was wrong to expect a little gratitude for believing in Marina, or at least not berating her the way most others did. Or maybe she misinterpreted my niceness. Either way, an alarming trend began to develop. It started with her asking me to cover the department phones for her when she was away from the desk for extended periods of time. Since my cubicle is adjacent to hers and our boss', I'm pretty much the only person who will hear the phone when it rings. Except that it ain't my job. Dammit. There is a voicemail service on that line. If she doesn't pick up, voicemail will get it. Apparently the boss hates for there to be voicemail during the day, but oh well. I'm not getting paid extra to cover the phones, so I ain't doing it. Once in a while, maybe. But don't start trying to coordinate your lunch schedule with mine so that I'm covering the daggone phone while you're out everyday. Not wanting a confrontation, I decided to start having meetings with other people on other floors and taking random lunch breaks. Then I started bringing my MP3 player to work with me. That way I could hide out in the headphones and "oops, what do you know...I couldn't hear the phone ringing."

But it wasn't enough. People are always calling our office asking questions. These people are scientists, concerned citizens, other government folks, etc. Needless to say, being the most junior person on staff and not technically inclined at all, I will not be able to answer about 90% of these questions. If it's legal or related to some project I've been assigned to, bring it my way. Otherwise, send it to someone else (usually our boss). Apparently Marina didn't get the memo (or she's using me as a buffer between her and the boss). Either way, she did it again today... even though I've explained to her that I usually don't know what's going on with these technical projects and I'm not the person to ask.

And to make matters worse, if I'm not available to answer the call, she'll take a message and give the caller my name saying "Panhandler is on another line, but she'll call you back." So it's not like I can have someone else do it. Ugh.

I can't wait to get to another job. But until then....GOODBYE MARINA!