I haven't seen her since 1998/1999 but I knew that she had moved to Philly some time ago, so the chances of running into her were quite high. We were very good friends in h.s., but over time we grew apart (I'll admit that was mostly my fault...although I called and emailed, I wasn't too good when it came to actually hanging out. I know it's shallow, but during college, I put on a significant amount of weight (more than the standard freshman 15) and I didn't want people who knew me from h.s.to see me).
By the end of law school, I'd lost the weight and had more free time,so I was ok with hanging out. But by then she was having a bit of a"problem" returning my phone calls. As in: I'd call, she'd say she's busy but would call me back and then she wouldn't. Because I'm an Aquarius and prone to being heartless at times, I just let it go. I made my efforts to call, I phoned again when I moved to her state (about 40 minutes away) and she did not reciprocate, so I let it go.
Yesterday, when we saw each other, she confronted me with "I tried to hang out with you but you were always too busy". I didn't appreciate that, because it was years ago, I've apologized, and I've since attempted to reconcile. What more could I do? So we parted ways, but I didn't feel happy when I left. I can't change what happened. I can only apologize and move forward. *Sigh*
Then I went to the gym and had a workout that Billy Blanks would be proud of. I got home and there was a message from an old college friend("C") saying that he had spoken to my former college roommate and best friend ("S").
S and I used to be best friends and roommates for most of college. We were like siamese twins for the better part of the early years. C lived in our hallway. One summer C,S and I lived together...it was like "3's company." :-). Things between S and I fell apart because of some stupid man drama: I showed her proof that her boyfriend was shady, she thoughtI was jealous and trying to break them up. Things weren't the same afterthat. During the 3rd year, I became really good friends with our other roommate, and S wasn't too happy about that. By graduation, S and I wereon a "hi and bye" basis.
Fastforward to 2005. I haven't spoken to S since 9/11. She went to medical school and I never heard from her again. C got married and started his own business so we don't really talk that much anymore.The other roommate got married and things between us aren't bad, but for some reason, we're just not tight like we were back in the day. :-/. Allof a sudden, I find that I'm very good friends with the roommate's best friend.In our last year of school, one of my friends introduced me to a girl that lived in her hallway ("M"). M was a transfer student and a sweet girl but dear God, she was soooo annoying. She sounded like Fran Drescher ("the nanny") and she was a nice person, but it was just too much for me. I graduated and didn't really make any attempts to keep in touch with her. She was always calling and checking up on me or tryingto get me to go out...like we were in a relationship or something! Icouldn't figure out how to politely tell her that she was too clingy,soI just faded away. She became friends with my best friend. But she hates me now. She thinks I'm mean because I never kept in touch with her.:-/.If I were on fire I don't think she'd spit on me to put me out. *Sigh*
I sat down and really thought about the pattern of friendships that I've had over the years. It seems like I'm some kind of leech moving amongst people's friends. Today I'm friends with you; tomorrow I'm friends with your friend. But that's not my plan at all.
I know people who have been friends with each other since 1st grade.Their friendships have endured over time and distance and through marriage/sickness, and all life's curve balls. Yet I have this problem just maintaining frm one stage of life to the next. Is it that I pick the wrong people? Am I non-commital? A loner masquerading as a socialite? I know that people come and go in life, but geez.
