Lifestyles of the poor and nameless

I've been talking to someone off and on for the past couple months. I call him The Hunter (sometimes he goes hunting.....first Black dude I ever met that goes hunting. Interesting.) I think I started talking to him because I was bored/lonely/curious and he's an attractive guy...so why not? He would like to have a girlfriend, and I, after my four years (eek) of non-committed life, and numerous worthless dating experiences, would like to have a boyfriend. Seems simple enough. I think that since I've been out of a committed relationship for so long, I'm trying to sabotage things.

The hunter is a nice guy. He is a "let's say grace before we eat, even if we are at a restaurant" kind of guy. To me, that is priceless. Despite this, I still find myself en guarde for potential problems....anything that will prove "see, he's a jerk and I should leave before I really like him." When I say anything, I mean anything.

Today's faux pas was that he was supposed to meet me at my house at 4pm so that we could go bike-riding. At 4:05 he called to say that the turnpike was backed up and he couldn't make it. Yes, I was disappointed that I couldn't see him. But I was a little mad because I felt like he should have called earlier if he knew he wasn't going to make it. I left work early just to be there on time. Dammit.

In the grand scheme of things, it's not that big of a deal....except that he was late the last time, and I felt like maybe this is the beginning of a pattern of bad things. Usually when guys start off being late/forgetting phone calls, etc., they end up being complete pigs. You make excuses for them or dismiss these little things as "no big deal" but a couple months later, you end up cursing them out for some really big insensitive thing they do. Then you curse yourself out for ignoring all the "signs" in the beginning, and wasting all that time. *Breathe*

I know I know....you shouldn't let other people's stupidity affect the present situation. Fear is a bitch ain't it?! All those dates in the past.....in the back of my mind I knew they had no relationship potential...they were just good for storytelling with the friends (You know, the "girl, can you believe! this triflin' mofo" stories) . Maybe I went along with them because they were disposable--- I can't get attached to dummies, therefore I can't get hurt. And who wants to be hurt?

So I acted nonchalant when the hunter said he couldn't make it. "Oh well. Guess we'll catch up some other time. Have a good one." Slightly fuming, meanwhile. And about 40 minutes later, he called back to say that he felt really bad about not making it today and "are you mad?", "can I see you this weekend? I'll leave my house early this time."

Because I'm a sucker and not too good with the games that women are supposed to play, I said "we'll see. I'll call you." because I really didn't know if I'll be around on Sunday. But I was smiling the whole time.