Lifestyles of the poor and nameless

A friend and I had a pretty interesting discussion about the best way to get rid of a person that you're dating but don't like "in that way".

My friend suggested that the best way is avoidance. She says that if you don't return the person's phone calls and you generally ignore them, they'll usually get the hint. I agree, but I hate when people do that.

The best-case scenario (in my mind) is when you just tell the person: "I'm just not that into you". Unfortunately, easier said than done. How do you manufacture a conversation that will allow you to say something like that? Do you start with "I've been thinking...." or "I want to talk to you about something...."? Especially when the person has no clue that there's a problem. Hmmm. I've been meaning to have such a conversation with someone for a few weeks, but I never quite know how to bring the conversation around to that topic.

So, being the coward that I am, I attempted "avoidance" and "distance", but neither one worked because I couldn't go the extra mile and just not return phone calls. If he were rude or disgusting, I wouldn't feel guilty about ignoring him. He's a respectable guy....just not the one for me...so I find it difficult to be rude to him.

I guess I've been hoping that if I don't put any effort into our "friendship", then he will notice and say "hey...is everything OK?" or maybe he would just notice that he's the one who always initiates things, and when he points that out, I can say "well actually....I don't think this is going to work out."

Maybe this works for me because when I'm dating someone, I really try not to make assumptions about their feelings. So even though it may seem obvious that the person likes me, I assume that isn't the case until I actually hear them say it. And if they're acting "distant", I'm going to ask about it.